An Interview with Mizzou’s IT Department: Students Watching ‘The Nasty’

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There’s a lot of “stuff” on the internet. You could watch different “How to” videos, look at cute puppies, or even go on Facebook to catch up with people. But we all know you’re just watching porn. Of course, the thing with porn is the crazy pop-ups that could contain viruses. We at The Black Sheep spoke with one of the Mizzou’s IT department security guys on how they handle the people that just can’t wait to make it back to their dorm room to rub one out.

The Black Sheep:
So, as an IT guy, what’s the protocol if you notice someone in the computer lab and they’re watching porn?

IT Guy:
Well, there isn’t really a protocol, but if people are being distracted, we are supposed to ask the person to leave.

TBS:
Have you ever had to kick someone out before?

IT Guy:
It’s funny you ask that because just last semester we had to kick someone out for watching porn in the computer lab. It was a really weird situation for us.

TBS:
Were they at least discrete about it?

IT Guy:
That’s the thing, they weren’t even doing anything. They were literally in the lab just watching porn. No lotion, no nothing. Like as if they were just watching a TV show. Me and another guy were walking by and saw him, walked in, and he didn’t even stop watching.

TBS:
So it was just him in there, I’m assuming, right?

IT Guy:
I’m sure if anyone else was in there before, they left when he started. It’s hard to study when there’s a guy watching a porno three screens away from you.

TBS:
I mean, how busy does your schedule have to be where the only time in the day you have to beat your meat is in the computer lab of your dorm?

IT Guy:
I have no idea. Honestly, if you have the self-esteem to not care about others judging you for watching porn in public, go for it. Just not in the computer lab, like people are studying all around you.

TBS:
But other than that, has porn ever really been an issue for the IT department?

IT Guy:
We do get a fair share of people that come to us with viruses on their computer. We ask them how they got the virus, and they all say they were just using google and some weird ads popped up. But then when we go in the history, that’s when we’re able to see the facts of the matter.

TBS:
Do you remember any notable sites?

IT Guy:
There’s a lot you probably wouldn’t think of. One time this girl came in a few years ago and told us she was trying to buy some shoes online and then her computer got a million viruses on it. So, when we checked the history on it, we saw that her last website was www.dicks.com. Apparently, that didn’t use to be the sporting goods website, and it gave her computer a lot of different viruses.

Well, there you have it. Try not to be the guy that’s sitting on the computer watching porn with all eyes and ears to see, but especially don’t assume searching dicks.com is going to take you to all things sports related either. If there’s one thing you take away from your college experience here at Mizzou, it’s that you should never use a computer for porn (in public).