The Pros and Cons of Having Sex At Home During Winter Break

author-pic at University of Oregon  

Finals are coming to a close on college campuses across the nation. As students travel home, they are forced to tackle the inevitable challenge of sex in their childhood home. Before you embark on the taboo sexual conquest of banging in your parents’ house, consider these pros and cons compiled by The Black Sheep.

Pro: Banging on a SUPER comfy bed.

Con: Realizing mid-bang that your bed is actually super-squeaky.

Pro: Your mom will wash your cum-stained sheets.

Con: Your mom will see your cum-stained sheets.

Pro: You have the privacy of your own room.

Con: You’ll have to explain to your mom that you were “just wrestling” when she walks in on you two.

Pro: You can prove to your high school crush that you’re hot now.

Con: Now, you’re way hotter than they are.

Pro: The person you hook up with is a dog person.

Con: Your dog watches you have sex.

Pro: There’s a fridge full of post-sex snacks.

Con: Explaining to your parents that they’re “just a friend” when they ask who your company was.

Pro: You’ll have the whole house to yourself while your parents are at work.

Con: You’ll have no excuse to kick them out.

Pro: You get a new Tinder pool to trawl in.

Con: They will think it’s acceptable to contact you post-hook-up.

Pro: You don’t have to go down on them.

Con: They won’t go down on you.

Pro: You won’t have to see them in any classes.

Con: You’ll see them at the grocery store with their mom.

Pro: You get to have sex in your childhood home.

Con: You probably can’t convince a hookup to sleep with you in your parents’ house.

After considering this pros and cons list, make a conscious decision on whether or not you want to go through with banging someone at home over break. Happy holidays!