9 Signs Professor Paulin Doesn’t Want To Write Your Letter Of Recommendation

author-pic at UC Berkeley  

As midterm season calms down, students’ minds begin to turn to summer internship plans. Along with this comes a sense of panic, as you realize you’re a junior and you have made absolutely zero attempts to get to know any professor at any point in your life, and in turn, you’re SOL for a recommendation letter. Unfortunately, you really, really, REALLY need one, and contrary to popular belief, although you love Professor Paulin, he doesn’t love you. Here are some signs that Paulin doesn’t want to write a letter for you when all you did was watch PornHub on your computer in class.

9.) He called you Pauleen:
Pauleen? Who’s Pauleen? Possibly your grandmother, but definitely not you. More likely you identify as a male, and your name is Michael. Even his nice British accent can’t hide the fact that he messed up your name. 

8.) You’re an Alpha Phi:
“Is that you, Alpha Phi?” he said to the entire class last year. Either he really loves you or he really hates you. Oops. 

7.) You spend the whole class on your phone:
Look, we know you think you think you’re being sly by keeping your phone low, but no one just looks at their lap and smiles (unless there’s a puppy sitting there—that’s a whole other story). Paulin can also tell the difference between when you’re taking notes, and when you’re tracking Shia Labeouf’s location via 4chan. Stop tagging your most recent wannabe significant other in memes and actually pay attention, then maybe they’ll actually want to help you out.

6.) You’re a member of BCR:
If you continually bitch about how the professors at this school hate you, eventually they’re going to start hating you.

5.) When you asked Professor Paulin for a letter of recommendation, it turns out to actually be Bowser:
We all know that Professor Paulin dressed up as Bowser last Halloween. But when you go to ask him for your letter of recommendation it turns out to actually be Bowser. He kidnaps you and takes you to a castle far away. No letter of rec for you! 

4.) You decide to open your letter to check it over, and it’s signed with your GSI’s name:
Classic Berkeley professors. They’re really only here to do their research. This will just be another one of the things they pawn off on their already-overwhelmed GSI.

3.) Turns out the person you asked wasn’t your Paulin, but another British guy:
If you go to your class so infrequently that when you went up after to ask your Paulin for a letter of rec, but it wasn’t even your Paulin, it was just another semi-attractive guy who looked like Paulin… and he didn’t want to write your letter of rec either. 

2.) He tells you that question was already answered on the syllabus:
You lost your syllabus first week of school, but that answer still doesn’t seem promising.

1.) The one time you spoke up in class, you got the answer wrong:
He walks through the aisles asking if anyone has any questions, and the one time you asked a question he told you, you were “eeeeem, not quite there.” In fact, you were, often, very far from “there.” 

Basically, just try to do what we all tell ourselves we’re going to do at the beginning of the semester: go to office hours, talk to your Paulin after class. Maybe bring him a shirt that actually covers his entire torso and he’ll write the letter. Or, just try to learn from your snake friends in Haas how to brown nose professors.

Do you like booze before noon? So do these guys…