Top 5 Places to Have Sex at UCLA

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Do you like sex? Do you dislike studying? Read on for five great places to get your voyeuristic kick on campus. Godspeed.

5.) The Northern Lights Cafe:

Normally students walk right past this little screw shack because of its far-off location and pricy food (coffee, sushi, pastries, etc.), but it’s well-known that the entire building is a great place to get closer to that special someone. Whether it be behind the counter, in the wooded area behind the coffee shop, or right on the tables in front of the ever-so-eager baristas, the Northern Lights has a fine range of boning options for your refined sexual palate.

4.) On top of Powell Library:

This might go without saying, but Powell’s one of, if not the most iconic building on campus, and getting some action at the top of it should be a goal of all UCLA students at some point in their lives. It’s not too hard to climb up, and once you’re there, who’s going to stop you (be safe you fucks)? Remember, work hard and party harder.

3.) The student garden at Sunset Rec:

Seriously, this shouldn’t be an unknown to y’all. It’s secluded, in a beautiful setting, and when you’re done you can wash off in the showers by the pool. Plus, you can barbecue between fuck sessions. It’s almost as good as….

2.) The Botanical Garden:

Nestled between the grad schools and sorority row (fancy), this lovely little area has hidden benches (we get it, you smoke there), winding paths, ponds with turtles, and even houses plants from a prehistoric era! Let’s just hope that when you’re done life doesn’t, uh, find a way. Jurassic Park…prehistoric plants…anyone? No?

1.) Murphy Hall:

As most students know, any administrative need a student can possibly have is satisfied by a trip to Murphy, as it houses the Admissions Office, the school registrar, academic counseling, and Gene Block’s office (#blessup). Additionally, horny undergrads can get their passions fulfilled in any of the building’s sheltered alcoves, especially in the eastern staircase next to the foyer. And if you haven’t gotten fucked enough by the time you’ve finished, just stroll on down to the basement floor to check out the financial aid office.

Obviously there are more places to knock boots, and we’ll add on to this list in the future. In the meantime, it’s springtime bruins…

Like booze before noon? So do these guys…