7 Ways to Spend V-Day at UNCC Alone

author-pic at UNC Charlotte  

It’s Valentine’s Day, but you already know that. You don’t need a good morning text or a warm body lying next to you to know that love is in the air. Just the empty bottle of vodka and Astroglide covered hand you fell asleep with last night. The Black Sheep wants you to spend V-Day at UNCC the right way, and here’s how.

7.) Wallow in Self Pity in Norm’s Loft:
All of those happy couples buying each other candy and flowers are bound to get you down. Instead of watching them all day, grab a seat in Norm’s Loft and brood the day away. If you’re lucky, one of the locals will take pity on you and let you join in a game of Mario Kart.

6.) Spend Your Money on Anything in the Bookstore:
Instead of wasting money on a doomed relationship, waste your money on the university! Nothing quite says, “I have my priorities in line” more than dropping $80 on a new polo that was made for $5 in a Micronesian sweatshop.

5.) Day Drink in the Library:
Bound to be the least populated place on Valentine’s Day, the library will be the perfect place to cut loose. For every happy couple you see walk by take a shot, and when you inevitably see a breakup, the whiskey’s going to make it 1,000 times funnier.

4.) People watch in Prospector:
Prospector, a main hub of campus, is sure to have plenty of happy people to see and hate. If you stay long enough, the existential fear of being alone won’t set in because you’ll be too busy making fun of all the frat guys gifting their girlfriend’s necklaces they stole from their side chicks.

3.) Join the Evil Flock of Geese:
The geese here are perpetual assholes ruining everyone’s day. You get one free day to do the same, and joining the legion of doom is a great way to get back at all of the regular people. When they’re walking back to their dorms with flowers and chocolate, show them what true devotion to something is by charging with your geese brethren full speed and hissing at them.

2.) Apply for a Job with CAB:
Just kidding. Russian Roulette would be a better way to distract yourself.

1.) Go to dinner alone at SoVi:
Ignore your friends if they ask you to go out to dinner and sit in the middle of SoVi. Keep checking your phone like someone’s coming. Give everyone sad eyes. Shrug like nothing’s wrong. Make everyone uncomfortable.

Valentine’s Day is especially challenging if you’re going solo dolo, but Niner Nation’s always got your back. Now just sit back, relax, and remember that none of the 30,000 people that traverse this campus daily found you appealing.

Who needs a drinkin’ shirt?