5 Ways for Gamecocks to Celebrate an Authentic Mardi Gras

author-pic at University of South Carolina  

The time for Mardi Gras has come again. Christians are supposed to make up for all the shit they’ve done and then proceed to do even stupider shit before Lent begins. But whether you’re religious or not, you need to celebrate the authentic way. No, not like those hoity-toity folks from “Noleans” or LSU, more like your regular bayou folk. Here are five ways Carolina students can be true saleaus and saloppes:

5.) Get Yourself a Pet Alligator:
Caïman or Cocodri, are an essential part of Louisiana culture and cuisine. These things have been around since the dinosaurs and have lived on to terrorize are ponds and lakes. Imagine walking around the Horseshoe with one these monsters. We’re willing to bet your roommate will stop eating your leftovers once you introduce him to your 500lb pet ‘gator.

 

4.) Unintelligible Speech is Key:
People who say English is one of the hardest languages to learn have obviously never heard French-Cajun. Take French and English and imagine those two having a deformed baby no one can understand—that’s French-Cajun. Let your tongue loose when a professor asks for your paper, or when the pissed off guy you spilled your beer on wants to fight, and chances are they’ll be too confused to respond.

3.) Make Everything Spicy Beyond Edibility (Yes, Even Your Water):
Louisiana is well known for its spicy food. But if you’re going to be authentic for Mardi Gras you’ve got to kick it up a notch. Eating baked chicken? Put some spice on it. Eating ice cream? Get some pimenter on it. Using shampoo? Make your scalp burn! Stock up on those Texas Pete and Tabasco bottles from the Russell House Cafeteria.

2.) Find and Ride an Airboat:
Airboats are a fast and essential way to travel around the bayou. They should also be how you travel on campus for Mardi Gras. Forget running, taking the shuttle, and absolutely fuck biking. An airboat can get you from the Humanities building to Capstone in mere seconds. Your classmates will also thank you for cooling them off with that giant fan-thing on the back.

1.) Practice Voodoo:
Voodoo might be insane, but so are most interesting things. Is a professor giving you a rough time? Make a voodoo doll and stab the ever-loving shit out of it. Do you have a crush you’re too afraid to approach? Cast a little love cunja on them and show the world you were meant for each other. The point is, there’s something for everyone in voodoo. So why not give it a try? Just be mentally prepared to cut off a chicken’s head off or spell won’t work.

We at The Black Sheep can’t wait to see you out on the bayou.

 

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.

 
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