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South Carolina Basketball Coach Frank Martin Discovers Doorway to the Multiverse Inside His T-Shirt


After being asked what is now has now been referred to as a, “really softball question about politics” during a press conference, South Carolina basketball coach Frank Martin receded to the inside of his t-shirt, where he reportedly discovered a magical doorway to the multiverse.


Martin was swift to deny claims that he would ever emerge from the multiple universes hidden underneath his South Carolina t-shirt.


“Hell no,” said Martin. “There’s a universe in here that’s made up entirely of pieces of gum chewed by character actor Abe Vigoda. In another, there’s a universe that’s exactly the same as our universe except the Microsoft Windows paper clip is the most highly evolved creature in the cosmos and is worshipped as a supreme being.”


“Not to mention,” continued Martin, long after most of the reporters had left the room, “there’s a universe where I’m the head coach for the 1990-91 Chicago Bulls. I’m not saying I’m going to kill my double and take his place in that dimension. I mean, I’m 100 percent going to do it, but I wasn’t going to mention it.”


The Black Sheep expects Martin to re-emerge from the multiverse in time for the Tennessee game. In the meantime, Hail Clippy.



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