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President Pastides Forced to Admit “Clemson Rules, Carolina Drools”



Clemson fever has spread beyond the boundaries of the upstate and taken hold of the entire state of South Carolina. From the celebrations in Tiger Town to the flying of the Clemson flag above the state house, it’s clear that everyone is showing their stripes. In addition to winning the national championship, Clemson will also be receiving a special accolade from their rivals, the South Carolina Gamecoks.


President Pastides is set to give a speech on the Horseshoe on Friday in which he will proclaim Clemson’s’ superiority over USC. This information comes from a tweet that Pastides sent out earlier in the week but has been met with little resistance, possibly due to the fact that USC is not currently playing football at the moment.


The Black Sheep sat down with Pastides and inquired about the cause of this sudden praise for Clemson. Said Pastides; “I’ve always believed Clemson was the best. If I could be president of any school it would be Clemson. Yep, go Tigers! This has absolutely nothing with losing a bet to the President of Clemson.”


The President was kind enough to give The Black Sheep a preview of the speech, the recitation of which caused him to sweat and turn visibly ill; “It is here that I will make a statement so utterly true, it will last forever. We suck. The Gamecocks are just a pile of shit… while the Tigers are the magnificent golden toilet that flushes us away every time. Clemson is the prized child, while we are literally the red-headed step child…Clemson rules, Carolina drools.”


President Pastides will make his formal announcement this Friday on the Horseshoe. 


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