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South Carolina Basketball Excited to Thoroughly Disappoint Fans



The basketball team (yes, we have a basketball team) was thrilled to follow up some nice wins with three straight losses to Arkansas, Vanderbilt, and Florida.


“Man those wins were big,” Sindarius Thornwell told us during an exclusive interview. “It was wild. We were doing so well for so long. I thought for sure we would choke against Georgia, but Coach Martin told us to put it off until the Florida game.”


The candid remarks were a nice change of pace from the normal “the other team out-hustled us” point that usually comes out of players mouth after games, but fans were divided about the comment.


Junior Julia Gimp, a business major, who really wants to see Fifty Shades Darker, was quite relieved by Thornwell’s comment. “I really like being disappointed”, she said. “I think it’s because it reminds me of my parents and I’m accustomed to going to football games.” According to Julia, a basketball team that won consistently would be too much for fans.

Sophomore Marcus Lovett had a decidedly different outlook. “I’m really tall and skinny, so I tell everyone that I’m on the basketball team. They believe me, but they don’t care.”  


Marcus needs the team to win, he continued. He’s tired of having to pitch in for kegs, pay extra for guac, and actually having to try to impress girls on dates. If the team could actually keep up a winning streak, they would be blessing Marcus.


Whatever your outlook on the team’s loss, you now know we have a basketball team.







WATCH: Being in Business School is actually really really hard you guys.


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