Dear Kirby Smart, Where Are My Student Tickets?
Every year come August, we panic about our fate concerning the pearly gates of Sanford: will we get our full home game package, or not? Every year it turns out fine, but not without considerable bitching and moaning along the way. So we no-so-eloquently penned our ticket request woes to the man who knows all: Kirby Smart.
Dear Mr. Smart,
You know what? Fuck that. We’re calling you Kirby. Formalities are so freshman year. And speaking of freshman year, we ain’t freshmen anymore! So why on Earth are we still scratching our balls wondering when our student tickets will come in?!
We really don’t understand. We submitted our ticket request and absolutely nothing has happened yet. We’ve refreshed the homepage 1,500 times and everything.
We won’t stand for this kind of gross mistreatment.
We don’t just need our home game packages stat, we deserve it. And we’ll even take a couple of away games as recompense for this ridiculously long wait.
This is soooo annoying. We’ve called the athletic department 900 times but they just keep telling us we have to wait until after the request submission deadline just like everyone else.
Don’t they know we’ve waited 9 long months for football? We can’t honestly be expected to wait another minute.
Who do you think you are, Kirby? Holding out on our student tickets… You need to be pulling Saban-level W’s before you start getting all lazy with processing student ticket requests.
It’s not like you have an entire football team to coach. McGarity secretly flies Mark Richt back to UGA on the Dawgy chopper to give stellar Remember the Titans style pep talks before the big games anyway.
So get off your arse and give me my damn tickets already!