ISU Student Convinced Picture of Him and Cubs’ World Series Trophy Will Get Him Laid
NORMAL – The Chicago Cubs World Series trophy has been touring around the country since the Cubs historic World Series win in late November. After nearly two months of touring, the trophy has finally made its stop in Bloomington- Normal. Jake Dury, a sophomore accounting major at Illinois State, and really really shy guy, is hoping that a picture with the Chicago Cubs historic hardware could help him finally talk to “cute girls.”
“I’ve been single and lonely essentially all of my life, I don’t really know anything about the Cubs, sports, or why everyone has goat shaming T-shirts on, but if this picture can help me finally talk to an attractive girl, then it’s worth standing in line for hours,” said Dury in his freshly purchased generic Chicago Cubs $13 Walmart t-shirt with all of the tags still on it.
Dury’s roommate from freshman year, Ben Kasser, is not as hopeful about the picture’s success rate.
“There is absolutely no way that a picture with a trophy is going to get him a girlfriend,” said Kasser. “What is he just going to show the picture to random girls at the bar and hope that they are somehow impressed? Not a chance any girl is going to go for that, Jake’s way too big of a weenie.”
Dury’s family members have a different outlook on how a picture with the World Series trophy will affect his love life.
“I bet that a girl will stop in her tracks to see that picture! When I was a younger gal, I met a fella who had a picture of himself and Ryan Santo and now that’s my husband of 49 years!” said Dury’s 88 year-old grandmother, Beverley. “If it worked for his grandfather, then it’ll work for him. No doubt in my mind.”
Dury plans to make the picture of himself and the trophy his Facebook profile picture, phone background, laptop screensaver, and of course, his top picture on Tinder.
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