7 Things ISU Should Begrudgingly Call the NIT Instead of National Invite Tournament

author-pic at Illinois State University  

So, uhh, we may be beating a dead horse (or bird), but for those of you that still somehow miraculously don’t know, the Redbirds didn’t make it to the Big Dance. Yeah, it sucks, but we’ll deal. We’ll most likely win the NIT…oh, wait we lost to Mexican food. Well ya’ know what? Fuck tournaments. We know we’re good, but we’re still bitter and we’ve got some alternative names for this wimpy tournament. 

7.) Not Interested, Thanks:

 Who even cares about the NIT? It’s a loser’s bracket. Nobody gives a shit. And just when we start to care, our team lays an egg. Either put us in the NCAA or nothing at all. Don’t patronize us with your pity tournament.

6.) Never Intentionally Talk (about it):

March has been a hard month for Redbird fans. First the tournament snub, then the NIT loss. Honestly, we don’t want to hear anything else about it. Seriously though, if we hear  “Ooh, tough loss for the ‘Birds” or “Man, they shoulda’ made it to the tourney,” WE WILL GOUGE YOUR GODDAMN EYES OUT.

5.) Needlessly Involved Tournament:

We’re pretty sure that every team in this tournament is just doing it because, well, why not? No one really wants to be there. It’s just some consolation prize given to the teams not good enough for the Big Dance so that we don’t someday revolt and burn the committee down. Viva la revolucion!

4.) Number II Tournament:

Get it? It’s two i’s, but it also doubles as the Roman numeral for 2? Eh? Fuck you, it’s clever. You try to come up with this shit.

3.) N-fuck I-this T-bullshit:

This one about hits the nail on the head. We don’t even want to be here. Sure, it doesn’t make the most sense, and might be kind of hard to physically pronounce, but this name totally encapsulates what it’s like to not only be in, but also lose out of the NIT.

2.) Nope, I’m Terminated:

Instead of “terminated,” put in the word “done.” That’s better, right? As in done with ISU basketball. Like we all are now. And it’s about time. (P.S. – we put terminated because that’s what popped up on a thesaurus website when we typed in “done.”) The more you know.

1.) Nude, Ignorant Toilets:

We’re all out of ideas. But this sounds kind of funny, right haha?

Ya know, basketball meant nothing at ISU for a long time, and now, now it still doesn’t! Fuck the NIT and especially fuck the NCAA. We’ll catch you all next year, and you’ll see. YOU’LL ALL SEE.