5 Trendy Workouts You Tried and Inevitably Failed at the UIowa Rec

author-pic at Iowa  

Working out could be fun right? You aren’t convinced but either way you’re sick of running because running sucks massive chode. Remember at the beginning of the semester when you had your shit together? You even ate Chipotle over Pancheros that one time. This time you are going to try the trendy workouts the UIowa Rec has to offer. 

5.) Rock Climbing Wall:

You walk by it every day you go to the Power Cafe for a smoothie, and it always catches your eye. Your roommate has recently gotten into “boys that do outdoorsy things,” and so she drags you along to the rock climbing wall. You look up at the rock wall and realize immediately that you don’t have the grip strength required to make it ten inches above the ground. Both you and your roommate find out that some trends aren’t meant to last. 

4.) Yoga:

While yoga isn’t really your thing, you have to admit, it’s a great way to feel good about lying down. You find out that getting into the Sunday yoga is harder than getting Hire-A-Hawk to accept your resume. You spend the next hour holding painful positions your body isn’t flexible or strong enough for. You wake up the next morning legitimately sore and you aren’t sure which one hurts more, your body or that you needed to buy a template for Hire-A-Hawk to accept your resume. 

3.) Zumba:

This seems really fun until you realize how hard it is to dance for an hour straight. “It will be just like a night out dancing at Union,” you say to no one in particular. Did it somehow slip your mind that you hate Union? This is no joke, and like a night at Union, you’re losing dangerous amounts of liquid. This analogy keeps on giving because, also like Union, you look like a wet raccoon found rummaging through trash by the end of it. You curse Zumba with the last bit of oxygen you have left. 

2.) Sauna:

So yeah, this isn’t technically a work out but you sure are sweaty afterwards, and that isn’t nothing. It’s hotter in there than Summit on a Tuesday. Outside is anywhere from -2 to 60 degrees while the sauna is always an even 1,000. You need that consistency in your life. You spend the next hour trying to Benjamin Button your skin back to normal. You apparently can’t handle the sauna. 

1.) Sleeping With A Guy Who Goes To The Gym:

This one you have been dying to try for a while. At first you both think it’s cute how he works out and you don’t, but you both bring the same amount of plates back during a lunch at Burge. Soon, however, you find yourself accompanying him to the gym. Whenever approaching the gym from the library the people on the rows of machines, combined with three different floors made up of all windows have always reminded you of a Black Mirror episode. Also the fact that he can’t skip an arm day to get margs at Cactus is a total deal breaker. 

You decide to take the day off while you slowly nurse your body back to health with some Pancheros. In the back of your mind you know that this day off will eventually turn into a month, and you’ll start this process all over again with slightly new trends. For now, however, you nap peacefully. 

Please, keep your parents off of Tinder.