5 Things You Fool Yourself Into Believing About Mizzou
Welcome to college! The 1000678968th step to the American Dream. We’ve all seen enough TV and movies to have it hammered into our heads that these are supposed to be the “best four years of our lives!” Everyone’s here to have a great ol’ time: partying, drinking their worries away, as if there are any worries to have at all. But as it turns out, it just so happens to play out in a way you definitely did not expect. Your Black Sheep Staff has a few of examples of lies you definitely told yourself to make you feel good about choosing Mizzou.
5.) Mizzou is “in the south”:
Just because Mizzou is in the SEC, that does not mean it is a ‘southern school.’ Missouri is in the middle of the fucking country; it’s not a southern state. Were we a southern state when we were in the Big 12 conference? HELL. NO. Well, newsflash, the geography of our state has not changed since then. The only thing southern about Mizzou is that they play southern schools in sports, usually getting their asses handed to them on a platter. Sure we may dress up for game days, but we are still not southern belles and beaus, so get over yourselves. To everyone who thinks Missouri is a southern state, feel free to go back to third grade geography.
4.) You won’t get the Freshman 15:
Pretty sure every incoming Freshman is scared out of their mind about getting fat; no one wants that. Some of the brave ones think they can just slide on by and not get it. Jokes on you, Freshman 15 is a real danger with all of these dining halls surrounding you. Yeah Mizzou might have one of the most impressive college rec centers in the country, but you’re going to be so preoccupied shoving toasted ravs down your throat that you’ll forget the Rec even exists. Next thing you know, that Freshman 15 will turn into the Mizzou 22. Damn, life goes downhill fast, doesn’t it? Good luck working that off, pal.
3.) Mizzou is good at sports:
Once upon a time not too long ago, Mizzou football, and even Mizzou men’s basketball were nothing to fuck with. They were winners, and winners winning all the time. But the good ole SEC bitch slapped us off our pedestal and threw us around the ring. After this past season of football, who’s really going to gamble going to a game? Why spend your money on season tickets when that cash can be used for so many other things, check out “8 Cooler Things to Spend Your Money On Instead Of Mizzou Season Tickets,” for a few examples. There could be parties happening, shit, even studying sounds more entertaining at this point.
Remember when Middle Tennessee beat us? Has anyone ever even heard of that school…
2.) Students are accepting:
Everyone thought coming into college would be this grand experience and would be so amazing, but quickly find out it’s just as fucking petty as high school. Granted a lot of people are very nice and accepting, but then you have the assholes being racist and sexist any chance they get, as if it will magically give them friends. No one wants to be friends with an asshole, just don’t be one. Then there are the girls who find their cliques, and gossip about how to quickly and efficiently make another girl feel like shit. Welcome to high school 2.0, mother fuckers.
1.) Everyone is attractive:
If movies have told us anything, it’s that everyone around every corner is a hot piece of ass, waiting to be jumped on. As Trump would say, “WRONG.” College is just a larger high school, with creepy ass people lurking and staring. What movies fail to mention is that with attractiveness, there is also a personality. Personality is so important, and if you are only a pretty face to look at, no one will want to get to know you. Sorry.
We tell ourselves a lot of things about going to college, some may meet the expectations, some may exceed, and some will fall flat on their face. But with any stage in life that will happen, so go ahead and get used to that. Mizzou may not be what you expected, but it’s hard not to love!
Like Booze Before Noon? So do these guys: