The Meaning Behind 8 OU Football Player Names Mock OU Perfectly
With Bedlam tomorrow, what better time to take a glance at OU’s football roster and make fun of some players with stupid name meanings? Hell, they already regret making the terrible decision to attend OU, what’s a little more ribbing?
Name: Jordan Evans
Meaning: From the name of the river which flows between the countries of Jordan and Israel. The river’s name in Hebrew is (Yarden), and it is derived from (yarad) meaning “descend” or “flow down.”
So long story short, Jordan means “flow down” and it’s no coincidence that is exactly what Jordan is doing to the team. Fortuitously, there are four other Jordans on the team, so let’s pray they stick to their meaning and together they can descend OU’s reputation.
Name: Emmanuel Beal
Meaning: From the Hebrew name (‘Immanu’el) meaning “God is with us.”
They’ll need God to be with them to help them sleep at night after OSU wrecks them on their home turf this Saturday.
Name: Caleb Kelly
Meaning: Most likely related to Hebrew (kelev) meaning “dog.”
Caleb, your name actually means dog. Are you a little bitch? Yup.
Name: Dakota Austin
Meaning: Means “allies, friends” in the Dakota language.
If you run into a Dakota in Norman you can befriend them because, unlike other Normanites, they’re not total assholes, they’re our friends. And, since everyone else form Norman is an asshole, they’re probably disown him, too. Double win!
Name: Kyle Pfau
Meaning: From a Scottish surname which was derived from Gaelic caol meaning “narrows, channel, strait.”
Narrow-minded and not changing the channel to head down a dire strait, defined as “a situation characterized by a specified degree of trouble or difficulty.” Yet again, this name has so much in common with OU.
Name: Cade Newhouse-Parker
Meaning: From a surname which was originally derived from a nickname meaning “round” in Old English.
Cade is basically, to put it nicely, that kid that resembles a circle, just like OU’s offensive line… that pretty much sums up ol’ Cade.
Name: Quinn Mittermeier
Meaning: From an Irish surname, an Anglicized form of Ó Cuinn meaning “descendant of CONN.“
This is just like the game of pros and cons. A pro is his name means he is helping bring down OU with because Quinn was born immediately into a life of cons. OU, keep the king of cons.
Name: Marquise Overton
Meaning: Variant of MARQUIS. Technically, marquise is the feminine form of the title marquis.
What does OU do when their players are slacking? Recruit some masculine females. Maybe OU doesn’t win off talent, but off distractions. Whatever they do, it’s kind of working…. #girlpower.
Whether you like or dislike the meaning of the name, it’s the legit Latin meaning and the OU players seem to be following their predetermined path in life.
You went drinking, now you’re stuck pooping. How’s that going for ya?