Coach Stallings Blames Losing Streak on Witch’s Curse

author-pic at University of Pittsburgh  

The Pitt basketball team is scrambling against time to break the curse head coach Kevin Stallings has unwittingly put upon them.

With a 12-11 season, and recent games showing the team slowly tanking, a possible explanation for the Panthers’ downhill slide is Stallings’ supposed wayward witch encounter.  While many on the team aren’t sure they believe his story and instead are more concerned with his coaching skills, Stalling claims the only rational reason must be his supernatural encounter.  He claims to have come across a cloaked woman along the side of the highway late one night, on his drive from Vanderbilt to dear old Pittsburgh. 

“She looked like she needed a ride,” he told The Black Sheep. “And I’m a nice guy, I wanted to make sure she was safe.  While she was in the back seat she kept murmuring to herself, but I couldn’t figure out what she was saying.  I asked her a couple times, but she would only hiss at me.  She kept turning over this white thing in her hand, I hope it wasn’t a bone.  I only drove her for around two miles.”

With an eight-game losing streak, and fan support falling with the morale of the players, the team and coaches find themselves getting more and more desperate for answers.  No attempts to turn the tide have made any difference, and the theory of the witch’s curse is becoming more and more appealing to those Panthers who are scared of losing their already mediocre prestige as players

“When she got out of the car, she asked me some question,” Stallings said, shifting in his seat.  “I said yes because she made me uncomfortable, and she gave this low laugh before leaving the car.  I’m sure I agreed to something, and by failing to complete something… here we are.  I cursed us.”

Sadly, it looks like Pitt basketball won’t be getting any better until Coach Stalling’s can remember the new-age Madame Zeroni’s question.  The team and coaches have been scouring the internet for the most common requests of witches, and trying to complete all of them in the time left before the Boston College game.  The Panthers are going to have a difficult time turning their season around, even if they manage to reverse their curse. 

If you have any idea the whereabouts of a red cloaked, black haired and blue eyed witch, please contact us.  Feel free to also shoot us your guesses for how to break the curse as well.