UCLA Student Sleeping at Pauley Pavilion for Good Seats to Home Basketball Games

author-pic at UCLA  

The UCLA Men’s Basketball team is good – #4 in the country, in fact – and the buzz around sharpshooting freshman Lonzo Ball and TJ Leaf add to the hype. It’s no secret that the student section lines to enter the game are LONG; so while some students wait in line for hours to ensure a good seat in Pauley Pavilion, one student has devised a clever, although illegal, plan for a good view of the action.

“How do I get a good seat for every game at Pauley Pavilion? I stay overnight in Pauley, duh. I’ve been doing it for weeks,” explained Calvin, a UCLA sophomore and avid basketball fan. “No one can get a better seat than you when you are literally the first person at the stadium for every game.”

Calvin’s tactics enabled him to claim a front row seat at UCLA’s home win against Stanford on January 8th while other students had to settle for seats in the nosebleed sections. Shockingly, Calvin claims he even stayed at Pauley Pavilion throughout winter break to claim floor seats for the Bruins’ non-conference winter games.

“It’s not hard to evade security and stay overnight,” stated Calvin. “Usually I just pretend I’m in the bathroom with the shits for like hours, and eventually they just forget about you.”

When UCLA Administrators discovered Calvin’s whereabouts, they promptly alerted his parents and were quick to condemn his actions.

“We honestly thought Calvin was dead or had dropped out of college and run away when he never came home for break,” said Calvin’s father. “When we found out that he had stayed in Pauley Pavilion for a month, well, let’s just say his little brother has been confirmed as our favorite child.”

UCLA Chancellor Gene Block also had some comments on the matter.

“The actions of this student are inappropriate and illegal, but what is most concerning is the family’s blatant disregard for the well-being of their son.”

Not all parties involved were negatively affected by the situation. Danny, Calvin’s roommate, had some positive comments on the matter.

“Yeah, he told me he was going to stay in Pauley Pavilion for a while. I’ve been pretty stoked because I’ve had the room to myself, so girls have been coming over every night for the past couple weeks,” stated Danny. “I didn’t tell anyone because well, I don’t really like him. He does weird shit like illegally stay overnight at Pauley Pavilion to get good seats for basketball games.”

When asked how he survived in the stadium with no food, limited human interaction and sparse amounts of light, Calvin responded nonchalantly: “Like all college students do,” said Calvin, “A shit ton of ramen and coffee.”

Never been so happy to go to school some place warm