BREAKING: Geno Bucks Are The New Husky Bucks

author-pic at University of Connecticut  

It’s no secret that UConn is constantly making changes to literally everything. Usually these projects don’t affect us directly, such as unnecessary construction every other week (looking at you Innovation Partnership Building), but when we heard a rumor about a potential change to our beloved Husky Bucks, The Black Sheep had to investigate.

Our top investigative journalists did some scouting around the One Card office to see what they could find. Besides a bunch of middle aged women just sort of staring at their computers, we stumbled upon what appeared to be a top secret meeting between Geno Auriemma and Susan Herbst.

Outside a sequestered office on the disciplinary floor of Wilbur Cross (aka where the “bad” students go never to return), we heard hushed voices. “I know barely half of our students’ parents can afford to send $100 bills, but they should have thought about that before becoming poor,” said President Susan Herbst over the noise of tuition money being pulled through a paper shredder.

“But Geno,” Susan continued. “Let’s take those novelty $100 bills with your face from the 100 wins and tell these dumb Connecticut hicks they’re the new Husky Bucks. And they are legal tender or something. It’ll be the final step in our Women’s Basketball dominance.” 

We were shocked. IS this why women’s basketball has been so dominant? So Susan can make Husky Bucks into fake Geno Bucks and keep the profits? We stumbled upon a middle-aged man eating garbage in the hallways, who also happened to be wearing a vintage Husky sweatshirt. Assuming he was a wizened old alumni, we asked him to comment on this new change.

“What are Husky Bucks? Can you use Husky Bucks to buy weed? Will my dealer accept Husky Bucks?” When we asked him what he thought of the women winning their 100th game, he asked if Obama ever became president.

We soon learned that UConn will open a new bank in the One Card office that will deal with all things Husky Geno Bucks. Parents can still send money, but it has to be in $100 bills that the bank can then turn into the special Geno Bucks, as they will be called (see above.

“I don’t feel right making students’ parents pay,” said Auriemma, before Herbst cut him off and bolted for the door. She made no more comments after that and rushed to her diamond-encrusted limo to head to Miami for a national unnecessary construction seminar.

The new Husky Bucks will be in effect after spring break. Make sure to tell your parents to start saving their $100 bills and to start applying for that second job if you ever hope to buy drunken D.P. Dough on their tab again.