VCU Rams Move Forward in Tournament, Ready to Play Today

author-pic at Virginia Commonwealth University  

On March 15, the VCU Rams did it again. They totally crushed that other team 999- 998, and secured their position in the next round, taking one giant hoof towards inevitably winning the NCAA tournament and taking home the gold the VCU student body knows they deserve.

Ever since VCU made it to the Final Four in 2011, Rams everywhere have been anticipating the championship win that will give our school full bragging rights, compared to the partial bragging rights we have from almost being champions. The student body seems to know that this year- after the shame that was 2016- will finally be the year. This victory has renewed our faith in our basketball team, and given us the sign we have been looking for to resume being cocky bastards.

After a stunning win, which involved scoring a slam dunk in the last three seconds of the game after player Ahmed Hamdy performed three double front flips and flew into the air in slow motion, Coach Shaka Smart told reporters “We played smart and we were smart with our defense. I’m extremely proud,” and then proceeded to congratulate the players, telling them he’d never leave them to coach at the University of Texas, no matter how much the school offered him.

After the buzzer sounded, the fans cheered as gold confetti fell from the heavens and the players from that other team fell to their knees and regretted calling the Rams “washed up farm animals.”

The campus celebrated by filling out local bars, trash talking all other Virginia College basketball teams,  and wreaking “havoc” all over the city. Some students reportedly started growing Ram horns and charged around the city in “rampedes.”

Local VCU student Michael Gerrard spoke with me after the victory claiming “It was all like a crazy dream. But I had a vision the other night that we just won the championships, so I knew it was going to happen.” His face was painted in the traditional black and yellow and honestly, he looked a bit wavy.

The Rams next game will be sometime in the near future, but I can’t grasp the concept of time right now.

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