26 Things Shia Labeouf Can Buy from Amazon with the $26 He Made from His New Movie Man Down

author-pic at Syracuse University  

Beloved ex-child actor and political rights activist Shia Labeouf recently had a theatrical release of his new movie Man Down in the United Kingdom.

After the first week of showings the film sold a total of three tickets making a total profit of $26.00. One can only wonder what Shia will spend his new windfall of cash on. Here’s a nifty list of possibilities.

26.)  A Life Straw:

So Shia can stop getting sick from drinking out of the toilet.

25.) Blow Dart Gun:

So Shia can keep those damn fans off his lawn.

24.) A Venus fly trap:

Something to keep the flies off of the corpse of Shia’s acting career.

23.) Bulk pack of lace thongs:

Because even Shia likes to feel sexy too.

22.) Limited Edition Blueberry Pie Oreos:

Disgusting yet intriguing. Just like Labeouf himself.

21.) A toy flute:

He’s not the best at acting, so maybe it’s time to pick up a new hobby.

20.) A bulk pack of tissues:

For those long, lonely nights.

19.) A Shia Labeouf t-shirt:

So Shia can show off what he loves most.

18.) Transformers on Blu-Ray:

Something for Shia to watch and think of that one time he got to touch Megan Fox’s boobies.

17.) Leonardo DiCaprio Mask:

So Shia can look in the mirror and pretend to be an actor that’s actually good.

16.) The iPotty:

Even Shia would like to control a toilet with his iPad.

15.) Ghost Hunting Equipment:

Are ghosts real? Only Shia will know.

14.) Five Pounds of Yellow Starburst:

Everyone knows Shia is man with a taste for the finer things in life.

13.) 2 Nicolas Cage pillow cases:

It’s nice for one psycho to watch over another psycho while he sleeps.

12.) Anime Body Pillow:

#20 will come in handy.

11.) Dumbbells:

So Shia can get jacked and start beating up those internet trolls.

10.) A year’s subscription to Cosmopolitan:

Shia is known to be an avid Cosmo quiz lover.

9.) Anti-Trump t-shirt:

Just one to add to his collection.

8.) Shia Labeouf cutout:

It’s the closest thing Shia will get to having another Shia of his own. That is until the cloning process is perfected.

7.) Emergency mustache kit:

Comes in handy when trying to disguise yourself from those pesky fans.

6.) Mermaid tail:

Shia has always expressed his dream of escaping today’s life to become a merman.

5.) Bulk paper bags:

So Shia doesn’t run out when he feels like pulling his “I’m not famous anymore” gag again.

4.) Indiana Jones hat:

Since he’ll never get to play Indiana Jones, he can just “play” Indiana Jones.

3.) Donald Trump toilet paper:

It’s the closest thing Shia will get to having Donald Trump eat his ass.

2.) A copy of 1000 Famous Horses:

It’s a good read. Will also come in handy with Shia’s new iPotty.

1.)  Running Shoes:

For the next time Shia decides to chase homeless people around New York City.