What a time to be at Syracuse University. The leaves are changing, it’s not freezing cold yet, and soon, it’ll be Syracuse cuffing season aka the season of love. When cool breezes are a regular thing that sweep through Syracuse, students will decide it’ll be time to settle down with a nice cuddle-buddy for the fall/winter. And sure, Greeks have your date nights and mixers, but what about the rest of the SU population? There has to be hope for the GDIs too. Well, fellow GDIs, if you follow these simple steps you too will be on your way to posting daily snaps of “bae”:
5.) Make sure your crush does not live on Walnut Ave.:
If your desired date is in a fraternity or sorority, bad news: they’re probably not looking for one of your kind. Theirs is a life of open bars at Chuck’s, co-ed philanthropy efforts and parties with ratios of two girls to one guy. Out of all the potential partners, do you think they’re going to opt for a scrawny engineer like yourself? Lower your standards, people, it ain’t gonna happen. This can be solved by a quick, 10-15-minute Facebook stalking session, which you must conduct before any further steps may begin.
4.) Get those digits:
If they sit next to you in your WRT 205 class, the game’s already won. Just ask if they want to “study together,” and get the phone number as insurance. There are other possibilities, too. Say you vomited all over them while stumbling back from the bars one night, and it was love at first sight (through the chunks of regurgitation). Here, there is only one rational response: walk around with a sign saying, “Person I threw up on at Marshall Street – text me (insert number here)” and hope you become a viral sensation that they eventually see. On the rare chance your situation is anything other than these two, just hack into MySlice and pull up all their personal information.
3.) Send “The Text”:
A good strategy here is to wait until you’re walking home from Calio’s at 2 a.m. on a Saturday and text your future paramour a simple, “U up?” This lets them know that you’re concerned about their well-being and sleeping habits, while the poor usage of the English language also gives off a feeling of warmth and companionship. Either the late-night text is not responded to or an awkward conversation fizzles out faster than you can say “booty call.” Don’t panic; this is exactly where you want to be. This allows for a text the next morning describing in great detail how much you drank at Harry’s the night before. Now, you’ve established a level of coolness, which is vital in these situations when you’re a GDI. Maybe there’s a little back-and-forth banter, a little cyber-flirting, and you’re feeling good about your odds. Plan a lunch date for during the week and plan your shaving schedule accordingly.
2.) Brockway’s time to schine:
Luckily, we have a lot of great places here in Syracuse, from Armory Square to the immaculate Marshall Square Mall. But the best place to go is clear: Schine Student Center. What’s more romantic than standing in different lines for below-average food, then pulling out your SU ID at the cash register saying, “I got this”? Nothing, that’s what. If you want to get really fancy, burn a guest swipe at a dining hall (Brockway is preferable). A whole appetizing buffet for free? What a move. Talking points during lunch should include how many people you’ve hooked up with this year and how much you despise people in Newhouse and/or Whitman.
1.) Wrap it up, hotshot:
As lunch comes to a close, don’t walk your date home. That’s a classic sign of desperation. Instead, make some creepy remark about “Netflix and chilling” sometime and call it a day. Be sure not to contact them until your next 2 a.m. Calio’s run, and just repeat the cycle all over again.
And there you go, you’ve done it! No rush necessary, no formal needed, no level of social status required. Even the unaffiliated among us can find their way to romance at the beautiful Syracuse University.