Ask any drunk girl at Syracuse 30 minutes into a tailgate what they want to do most, and 90% of them will say they want to eat chicken nuggets.
But what if there was another way to get that satisfying crunch, or salty goodness? Syracuse dining halls have plenty to offer, so maybe you should broaden your horizons. Here are 8 foods better than those fucking chicken nuggets.
6.) Cherry Pie: Perfect For Sad Eating
The cherry pie that many dining halls, like Sadler, Graham, and Ernie, put out are actually pretty good as far as laxative-laced pies go. They may even make you reconsider telling your aunt that she “makes the best pies,” because she most certainly does not.
Grabbing a cherry pie and sitting alone at a four-person booth sounds like one hell of a Friday night.
5.) Each Kind of Rice, Mixed: Perfect For Not Eating At All
Never once have we seen so many fucking rice options. There’s nothing like walking into a dining hall on a hungry Wednesday night and seeing not steak or fried chicken or any sort of nourishment, but a rainbow’s supply of rice.
You got brown, white, yellow, purple, gray, burnt, big, small, whole grain, whole wheat, and of course vegan rice to choose from. If you are looking to not eat anything but to fill your plate on your 4th Tinder date of the day, this is the move.
4.) Steak Chicken Sandwich Burger: Perfect For Roiding
Who says you can’t get creative at the dining hall? Every bulging bicep-having frat god needs their brotein, so why not toss some meat in their freshly-squatted buns?
Take a bun, toss some grade-C steak meat on it, then some 2-day old grilled chicken, maybe some cheese and tomato, and squeeze a pineapple over top of it, for the ladies of course, and get your protein in your 6th meal of the day.
3.) Egg Bagel Sandwich: Perfect For Hangovers
Drag your carcass in line to the omelet making station, ask for 3 fried eggs, toss some onions and peppers for the nice Food Services chefs and have them douse it in cheddar cheese. As that cooks, go slice and butter yourself a bagel.
When your eggs are ready, sauce them onto the bagel and lay some nice bacon underneath the egg for that crunchy, salty, diabetic feeling.
This is actually the best meal you can make in a dining hall, so do this if you are able enough to function after your night of 4 (regrettable) shots and a Four Loko.
2.) Cookies and Milk: Perfect For Your Munchies
Nothing caps off vaporizer Monday better than a nice bowl of whole milk and some of those angelic dining hall cookies.
Toss your sunglasses on, your high school sport sweatpants, and your favorite smelly hoody, and set up shop in the dining hall with your milk and 3 pockets full of cookies.
This snack is a timeless classic with a contemporary twist, so get on it, if you can remember it.
1.) Mac and Fucking Cheese: Perfect For The Drunk White Girls Who Are Looking For Chicken Nuggets
What is the chicken nugget’s main rival? Mac and fucking cheese.
The scarcity of chicken nuggets is inversely proportional to the prevalence of creamy mac and cheese, which is nearly never touched by the time 3p.m. comes around.
But news flash, drunk white girls, the mac and cheese ain’t half bad!
In fact, we would go so far as to say it is a better option that waiting in line for our old friend, the motherfuggin chicken nuggets.
It is time to wake up, ladies — mac and cheese is the new nugget.
You went drinking, now you’re stuck pooping. How’s that going for ya?