There’s no worse feeling than walking out of your dorm room on a Saturday morning, mouth full of vomit, and seeing the cleaning crew going to town on those stalls. How are you going to hold in your vomit for that long? In order to get your mind off the impending doom that is “Will I make it out of this situation alive?” The Black Sheep has compiled a list of things to do to get your mind off of puking out last night’s mistakes.
5.) Return your Ernie box full of moldy strawberries:
Waddle on over to the dining hall and finally get around to returning that box full of moldy garbage. Whether it be a moldy chicken breast, a fermenting pile of pineapple, or a literal dead human corpse inside your eco-green box, there’s no time like when you feel a steady stream of vomit headed toward your mouth to return it, you pile of garbage.
4.) Prepare for an inevitable Orange Alert:
Is it actually an air-raid or another drill? You probably won’t realize, seeing as SU always sends the text out 5 minutes after the alarm has awoken you out of a coma. Is it going to be Saturday at 1 p.m. or Friday morning at 9 a.m.?! Prepare for all in your downtime waiting to pee.
3.) Get your laundry:
Seriously, it’s been sitting in the dryer for five days and people are waiting to use it.
2.) Throw up in the garbage can in your room instead:
You don’t need a bathroom for this. Make sure it’s the kind that has those tiny mesh holes in it–vomit is best when seeping through the sides of a tin trash can.
1.) Collect the carcasses of fallen stink bugs:
You manage to kill them (or they kill themselves and shriven up and die), but their bodies remain littered all over your Booth open-double. Now is the perfect time to rid of their bodies in get your mind off your colon’s shit-build-up while the bathrooms are being cleaned.
Why is it that they clean the bathroom slower when they sense you have to throw up? The cleaning crew seems to have a sensor that goes off: “Brendan in open-double 504 has his 6th round of Fireball to throw up, let’s take this one nice ‘n slow, ladies.” Lucky for you, you can get your mind off of it now!
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