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Millennials at SU Slowly Starting to Swipe Left On Democracy


“Democracy just doesn’t do it for me anymore,” said Anthony Spitzer, SU student and avid millennial, as he swiped left on Democracy’s PoliTinder profile.


“At first it was so sexy, it seemed so free. But now, after seeing what it can do, I’m starting to look at other options to spend my life with.”


Spitzer is not the only one not-so-hot on “this whole Democracy thing” he says, as many of his fellow millennials have begun to shift towards exploring the government dating market further.


“I don’t want to feel tied down to Democracy after it left me crying in the basement of Link. Hell, I’d rather swipe right on Hillary Clinton than swipe right on Democracy at this point,” said Dane Markovitz, an international politics major with a minor in social media management.


The election of Donald Trump seems to have really cratered Democracy’s profile, as it has only received right-swipes predominantly from white men over 40 (Whitman professors) since early November.


Several millennials, however, in the states of Kentucky, Kansas, and Texas, among others, have reportedly super-liked Democracy’s profile, saying it is just their type of government at their points in their lives.


“I just can’t swipe right on such a brash, unfiltered profile. It’s like Democracy is just a shell of what it used to be — it doesn’t have that attraction for me anymore. I’d rather our country be run like a Kent Syverud dictatorship.” ranted Spitzer.


Democracy’s profile featured a Spotify anthem of “Born in The USA” and a photo gallery of Total Frat Move’s Instagram page.


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