WIth Valentine’s Day right here, students at SU are craving a little something. Let’s be real: it’s February, we’re single, and we’re all sick of our flimsy metal beds capsizing off of our bed-risers. If you’re looking to spice up your V-Day, or you’re having a mid-senior year crisis, or just bored of your twin XL, you’ve come to the right spot. And whether it’s with your significant other, recent right-swipe on Tinder, or just a friend looking for the thrill, The Black Sheep wants to enlighten you with the top spots to fuck, bang, bone, and fornicate at Syracuse.
10.) South Campus:
Anywhere. In Goldstein, in that barn (what even is that?), on the pavement of Chinook Drive, on the roof of an apartment unit, you name it. Everyone here is a corpse: just a shell of the person they used to be. They won’t notice you two (or three) going at it.
9.) Hendricks Chapel:
Spend your night praying you will get to third base. When your partner arrives, wine and dine them with the body and blood of Christ. Foreplay by reading the Book of Genesis. Proceed to get it on like Adam and Eve!
8.) Carrier Dome:
Involve Otto for extra credit.
7.) Architecture Building:
The only ones on this campus destined for 100% job placement postgrad, these students don’t give a fuck what you do. You should be fine atop a table or in a stairwell.
6.) Whitman team room:
If you’ve completed the previous spots, you’re ready to take your talents to the next level. Get a bit more risqué by making sweet love in a room with a narrow window at the entrance. Don’t forget to tell everyone you’ve ever met so they know you’re a damn savage! Earn Impress™ points if you pull this off in broad daylight. Waverly for the win!
5.) Newhouse editing suite:
If you’re not quite ready to join the big leagues, rent one of these bad boys for a sound-proof experience. Wall to wall acoustic panels and state-of-the-art media equipment is enough to get any broadcast journalism student off. The only con here is that the doors do not lock but hey, this shouldn’t deter those who were willing to try this in the first place.
4.) Park Point:
If you don’t live here, take advantage of someone else’s pitiable parents paying Battery Park-prices for a mediocre apartment in the boondocks. Get it on in your friend’s living room, the excessive game room, and put that ridiculous outdoor patio to use for the first time ever.
3.) Kent’s lawn:
It only seems right to get down with your Orange friends on the Chancellor’s lawn. Come at sunset for a romantic view with a dash of potential expulsion.
2.) The Quad? The Lincoln statue? The Dunkin Donuts in Schine?:
You pay $60k to go here—you can do whatever the hell you want!
1.) The Sheraton:
Give up. Get a room.
Let’s end this semester on a high note and truly go out with a bang!
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