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F**k It, We Ranked The Frats

Greek life is a huge part of the #Syracuse #Experience. Whether you are a frat star, party-frequenter or a guy that can’t get into any parties but still tries every weekend, Syracuse frats have shaped your time here one way or another. Here is our ranking of some of Cuse’s finest. 

14.) Sigma Chi:
Nice and simple – sticks to two easy-to-identify letters. Bonus points for the very cool fire escape. They may be number one, but if you think about it, is anyone on this list really a winner?

13.) Delta Kappa Epsilon:
Cool house. Castle is nice. Dick Clark? Yeah, heard of him. Wealthy boys, big points there. You simply just cannot go wrong with a man who owns nineteen cars!

12.) Phi Kappa Psi:
Close your eyes and think of a frat boy. The Vineyard Vines. The Patagonia vests. You will find all of this and more in Phi Psi. Also smells not awful.

11.) Zeta Beta Tau:
If you are looking for a nice Jewish lad to settle down with, look no further. Sure, people may think ZBT stands for Zero Bitches Tonight, but we think it should stand for “Zomg! Booyah! Tubular!” because this house is a good time.

10.) Sigma Phi Epsilon:
Getting in is a health hazard. The driveway is basically a sheet of ice. If your not careful, you’ll end up rolling down the hill like a bowling ball. Double points if you knock over a random couple walking home. Triple points if you land in the middle of the street and just lay there for a second, wondering about the meaning of life.

9.) Pi Kappa Alpha:
One time at a party at Pike, there was a plate of cat hair, crumbs, frosting and cardboard on the bathroom counter. No joke there, that is an actual thing that occurred (look below). Still had fun though.

8.) Sigma Alpha Mu:
Nicknamed “Samantha.” If Sammy were to be a person, it would be Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (season four, episode five, the one when he headbutts a wall in Italy). They may be a hot mess sometimes, but these boys are big fans of tank tops and having a good time.

7.) Theta Chi:
This is the only house where you can live out your lifelong fantasy of being a stripper on a subway car. They take the theory that bitches love elevated surfaces to the next level. And let us tell you, bitches sure do love a good elevated surface.

6.) Alpha Chi Rho:
Bird lovers beware! You might just think you are going to a fun crow-themed event. You might just dress up in your favorite crow outfit. You might finally think all your bird dreams are coming true. Imagine getting there and realizing there are, in fact, no birds in sight, only jungle juice and drunk boys. Pretty heartbreaking, if you ask us.

5.) Phi Gamma Delta:
If you asked us to think of Fiji before ‘Cuse, we would think of picturesque beaches or perhaps expensive bottled water. Now, all we can think about is that time Megan from Bio 101 fell down the basement stairs and totally ate shit. The garbage bags over the windows give a very nice shabby chic vibe; Martha Stewart would approve.

4.) Lambda Chi Alpha:
According to greek rank user “cusegal99,” these guys “eat puke” so there is that. When asked, a brother responded “What? No we don’t eat puke,” which, to us, seems like something someone who eats puke would say. The flag on the side of the house is cool, though. It’s a nice touch. Who doesn’t love a frat flag?

3.) Delta Upsilon:

Not trying to start shit, but we’ve never met an actual person in this frat. That, plus the fact their letters include not one but TWO triangles… something isn’t adding up. Call us crazy but, could it be an elaborate cover for the Syracuse branch of the illuminati? More on this to come.

2.) Phi Delta Theta:
They are the nice boys on campus. They have a nice variety in vowel sounds. Favorite theme of last semester was “Kent’s car,” where you had to dress up as something you think would be on the back seat of Kent Syverud 2016 Prius.

1.) Alpha Epsilon Pi

The bench outside is really fucking cool and really fucking wooden. We love wood.

There you have it, a ranking of the frats at Syracuse. If you and you brothers didn’t make the list, sucks to suck. We’ve got bigger and better things to worry about, Brad.

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