Student Requests Health Services ‘@’ Her For Syracuse Mumps Updates

author-pic at Syracuse University  

A bizarre string of mumps infections throughout Syracuse University’s campus got even stranger when an infected student was outraged that the Office of Health Services failed to “@” her in Syracuse mumps updates sent out via email to the student body.

There have been fourteen confirmed cases of mumps on Syracuse University’s campus, and the Office of Health Services has reached out to the student body to keep them updated on confirmed cases and ways to prevent. One infected student, however, did not take well to the protection of her anonymity in the informational updates.

“If they’re gonna talk shit about me to everybody, then they should @ me next time,” said Kaitlin Scagliotta, a junior, and infected mumps student at SU. Scagliotta continued to express her discontent to The Black Sheep, saying, “Better yethow about they stop hiding behind computer screens and talk to me in person?”

When asked to detail what in particular she feels the Office of Health Services did wrong, she said,“I just think it’s funny how,” and then continued in a rant too extensive to summarize.

In response to a request for comment, The Office of Health Services told The Black Sheep that it will continue to honor the confidentiality agreements established between its doctors and patients. However, they added that, “If the shoe fits, [Scagliotta] can feel free to lace that bitch up and wear it.”

Listen to our podcast!