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Leaked Email From Chancellor Kent Syverud Reveals He’s Already Planning To Not Have Any Snow Days This Year

From continuing pointless construction on sidewalks to ruining Castle, it’s pretty clear not everyone is a fan of what Syverud has done at Syracuse University.

One of his most infamous gaffes is the constant lack of snow days each year. An email was recently leaked that reveals Syverud’s vicious plans to do the same this year, as he explains to Syracuse staff in the following email.

To Syracuse University Faculty,

As you are all making preparations for the holiday season and the spring 2017 semester, I’m sure you are all wondering how the winter season will be handled. I am letting you all know that I would advise against setting aside days for classes cancelled due to inclement weather, as I have decided that there will be no snow days.

There has been a lot of concern over why I am making this decision, and whether or not I’m concerned about the possibility of students being entirely incapable of coming to class if there is too much snow. I don’t care. I repeat: I DO NOT CARE. I don’t take on new freshmen every year so they can’t go to school and make use of all the money they’re spending. I don’t care if there is a foot of snow; they can find a way to class. Do not excuse any absences, no exceptions.

I’ve also decided that we should not shovel walkways and we will cut off all heat to the campus. If students want heat or snow removal, then they can pay an additional $1,200 to sign up for the new heating program, which will allow them to have blankets for their dorm rooms, and a shovel so they can shovel their own way around campus. We’ll be able to make more money, plus it will help get students more involved around campus.

As a last note, I ask all Syracuse staff to please make an effort to dispel the rumor that I am a lizard person. I do not know how it is this rumor/joke started, but it is getting on my nerves and I would like for it to stop.

Unrelated, if anyone sees any deliveries of very large heat lamps and boxes of sand, please direct them to my office, so my secretary can take care of it.

From the desk of Syracuse University Chancellor Kent Syverud,

Looks like another year for students to get their layers out, get some salt and start shoveling; it seems we’ll be in for quite a winter this year.

Something so bad, 12 beers later, is so, so good.

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