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Top 5 Things Orangemen Would Bring on the Mayflower

It’s the early 1600s: you’re feeling oppressed in your current state in Europe, and you’re gearing up to traverse the mighty Atlantic with 100 of your least close acquaintances (and the family that always coughs too loudly in church). There’s room for only the necessities on the Mayflower, and, as an Orangeman, you are allotted only five things to bring. The Black Sheep knows exactly what the student body of SU would be bringing.

5.) A JUUL: 
There is no way you could survive the tumultuous Atlantic Ocean without inhaling the sweet, sweet nicotine of your mint-flavored Juul. It’s “honestly just too stressful” without it and makes you “feel hip and trendy in a dumb boat full of ugly toads.”

4.) Darty szn clothes:
You really never know when the weather is going to be nice, and God forbid you are caught dead without your white denim crop top and high-waisted distressed jeans. Or your Lebron James jersey (*cough cough* BOIZ). Make sure to pack a fur vest and a cute pom-pom hat for those brisk oceanic winds.

3.) Greek letters:
This is just to continue to prove to everyone that your affiliation is vitally important. You therefore sit on a higher hierarchical tier than the rest of those dinghy travelling lowlifes.

2.) A Canada Goose:
Ideally the jacket, but not limited to the actual animal. The honking is quite soothing. Anyway, an elitist SU student would not be caught dead without their Canada Goose jacket. Whether it be the real deal or a knockoff with the logo sewn onto a low budget jacket, this will let all the passengers know that you mean business, and the cold is certainly not for you. You cannot afford to get sick right now.

1.) A Buffalo kale salad
This just has to be a necessity on the Mayflower. This is to let everyone know that, although you aren’t a vegan and never have been, you would entertain the idea of “never eating meat again because the industry is so fucking corrupt and it hurts your stomach.” You eat it as you wear your Canada Goose, which is doused in animal cruelty. There’s nothing that says “colonialism” quite like “kale”!

Any SU student would be all primped and and prepped to voyage across the Atlantic, land on Plymouth Rock, and battle some Natives for land that is so clearly and rightfully not theirs!

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