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We Asked 8th-Grade Questions to Drunk Vols on The Strip

If you’re a student at the University of Tennessee, then it is safe to say that you successfully made it through middle school (even if by the skin of your teeth). To determine whether UT’s students were more knowledgeable than the average 13-year-old, we took to the streets to quiz our fellow Vols. These are, however, not just any Vols…. these are some of UT’s many drunk Vols on The Strip. To protect the identities of those involved, each participant was given a nickname.

Question 1: Who was the 5th president of the United States of America?
Real Answer: James Monroe

Drama Beard – Before answering the question, the group of guys holding them up began to whisper, confidently, Andrew Johnson’s name to the individual, who accepted the answer and said “Andrew Johnson.”

Hair for Days – He shrugged before immediately responding with, “I dunno why, but Imma say Abraham Lincoln.”

The Dude and The Chick– The Chick said “John Adams.” The Dude said “John Quincy Adams.” The third member of the group, not answering questions, responded by saying that was the same person. (It isn’t.)

Blondie 1 and Blondie 2: Blondie 1 began to tell a story about “The man that got stuck in the tub, you know what I am talking about? He got stuck in a bathtub.” They eventually said, “John Adams.” Blondie 2 simply asked, “Was it Abraham Lincoln?”

Question 2: What are the first three numbers of pi?
Real Answer: 3.14

Drama Beard– He took a moment to readjust his posture before shouting in confidence, “3.14!”

Hair for Days – “3.14.”

The Dude and The Chick – In unison, they shouted “3.14159!”

Blondie 1 and Blondie 2 – Blondie 2 answered “3.14,” and Blondie 1 followed with the same answer.


Question 3: Spell, out loud, “column.” (An upright pillar, typically cylindrical.)

Real Answer: C-o-l-u-m-n

Drama Beard – Before answering, the group of rather supportive friends surrounding Person 1 began to cheer for him to answer this question correctly, Person 1 opening his mouth to carefully spell out “c-o-l-u-m-n.” His friends cheered as they Person 1 happily exclaimed that they “knew stuff!”

Hair for Days – “Ummmm……C-o-l-o-m.” His confidence faded away as he finished…

The Dude and The Chick – The Chick went first, spelling out, “c-o-l-l-u-m-n.” The third group member reminded them that there are not two l’s in the word, so The Dude took this information and fixed the mistake: “c-o-l-u-m-n.”

Blondie 1 and Blondie 2 – Blondie 1 attempted by answering “c-o-l-u-u-m…..n?” Blondie 2 chose not to answer.


Question 4: What are three literary works written by Edgar Allan Poe?

Real Answer: There are several, so look it up yourself, damn.

Drama Beard – “The Raven, The Tell-Tale Heart…” During this pause, his friends made it seem as if their lives depended on him answering this correctly. He finally said, “The Cask of Amontillado.” The outburst from friends was outstanding.

Hair for Days – “I don’t even know.”

The Dude and The Chick – In unison, they began by saying, “The Raven.” At this point, The Dude stopped listing as The Chick began attempting to figure her answer out, saying, “The one about the wine cellar, you know? Maybe the Montalusco? Edgar Allan Poe, Edgar Allan Poe…no, the Yellow Wallpaper was written by a woman, so I dunno.”

Blondie 1 and Blondie 2 – Both made sure to say, “The Raven.” Blondie 1 began to ramble, attempting to figure out a story by saying, “The one where he’s like tap-tap-tap. We read it, like, freshman year.” Blondie 2 simply said “Uuuuuuuh…” and Blondie 1 continued her speaking, starting again by saying, “Something about the doors in the house. The red room, I think is what it’s called maybe. It was about a room and everybody went in it and then they killed them. It was a party house, and every room they went into killed them.”

The amount of hugs from drunk strangers who were just happy to have at least remembered pi, however–that was indeed expected. While college seems like the first time they have ever been challenged academically, the harsh truth might be that it was challenging all the way through. After all, how well did you do?

 

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