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The Black Sheep Guide to #BamaHateWeek

We’re well into Bama Hate Week, and only a few days out from one of the most anticipated games of the season. It seemed like only yesterday that we were in the midst of Florida Hate Week, the one week of the year where Volunteers do something productive (the Blood Drive) with our blind competitiveness. If you’re a freshman, you might even think that Bama Hate Week will be similar to Florida hate week. Oh, how wrong you are.

There’s nothing that makes us more Southern than hate and discrimination based on surface factors (like choice of college), which is why Bama Hate Week is such a big deal. For one week, Vols can come together, despite their differences, to make troll Alabama Twitter accounts and make asinine jokes at the expense of others. Here are three ways to embrace your inner Volunteer and finish out Bama Hate Week strong.

 

Incest Jokes:
Forget, for the moment, that literally everyone who doesn’t live in Tennessee makes incest jokes about Tennesseans and embrace the stereotype that Alabama fans are cousin-lovin’ inbred hicks (bonus points if you can also turn an incest joke into a fat joke). Is there any truth to this stereotype of Alabama fans? Maybe, who knows — figuring that out might require, like, research. But ultimately, it doesn’t matter. Vols will make incest jokes about Alabama, just like God intended.

 

Point out that Lane Kiffin’s Son is Named Knox:
You can’t be a true Volunteer during Bama Hate Week unless you tweet out the fact that Lane Kiffin’s son is named Knox, like you were some brilliant detective who first unearthed it. Yeah, we all know that his name is Knox Kiffin. But unless you smugly tweet out “LOL Bama Fun Fact: Kiffin’s son is named Knox #BamaHateWeek” then you aren’t really a Vol. Sorry, but that’s just how it works.

 

Sharing that Picture of the Nick Saban statue:
Everyone’s seen that picture by now — some Volunteer fan threw a Power T flag in the bronzed hand of the Nick Saban statue in Tuscaloosa. But if you want to be a true VFL, you can’t just retweet or like the picture. No, you have to download it and tweet it yourself, like you were the clever Volunteer who took the picture in the first place. Download and re-upload until the whole thing has become so pixelated that only your Grandma will share it. If you really want to stick it to Alabama, post a vague and somewhat clever tag line like “I made this statue better” or “please someone pay attention to me, the loneliness is all consuming.”

 

Just like the leaves on trees or the srat stars’ skin, coffee in Starbucks cups nation wide is turning orange this month?

 

 

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