What Happened At The Fort Sanders Protest: 12:37 P.M. to 2:03 P.M.
Maybe you have been living under a rock and didn’t know that there was a protest set right in the heart of Fort Sanders on Saturday, but if you managed to pull away from Bid Day 2K17 long enough to drop by rally, then you were in for a show.
Seventeeth was a cluster of angry, racist people and self-proclaimed preservers of history trying to save the statue, while the not-racist side was overflowing with angry, but clever chanters wanting to preserve the country’s history of beating Nazis.
Here’s an account of the events as seen by The Black Sheep:
12:37 p.m.: I pick up Tori, who is sort of an expert on these protest things and is 100% the only person I trust to show me what to do at these things.
12:42 p.m.: Mother-eff. Five minutes after leaving the apartment with Tori, we get lost on the way to the protest. A cop blocking off the front of Laurel Hall points us in the right direction. Officer Jerry seems like a real bro.
12:51 p.m.: We finally made it to the pat down zone. The newer officer put in charge of me is not nearly as friendly as Officer Jerry and made me throw away a pocket knife that I got as a grad gift. It only had a nail file and my initials on it, so rip. Abby if you’re reading this, that’s my bad. Officer Killjoy worried about me filing someone to death.
1:04 p.m.: We just discovered a new cryptid. It looks like any normal human being, but it is on the wrong side of the picket line wearing a Trump shirt.
1:10 p.m.: A man in the apartment building directly behind the rally pokes his head out of window and begins chanting, “hey, hey, ho, ho, racist shit has got to go!” He disappears again quickly after the chant dies down, leaving only a sign hanging from his window.
1:22 p.m.: The first sighting of a confederate flag on the side of the racists leads to the counter protestors all yelling, “scoreboard,” back at the opposing side. Who knew that losing the Civil War could burn as bad as it did 150 years later.
1:36 p.m.: It is officially hot as balls, y’all. Can’t racists learn to be outraged in the winter or something? Shout out to the policemen who follow in Officer Jerry’s kind footsteps for passing out water bottles.
1:48 p.m.: A man holding up a sign of Pepe the Frog flipping off everyone begins to jeer at all of the people on the side of the counter protest, but the counter protesters respond by singing “This Little Light of Mine” in a touching screw you to the racist.
1:52 p.m.: Two KKK clowns?
2:03 p.m.: As much as we love ruining racist people’s days Tori and I are both pale af and had to get out of there. All that matters is the racists were shook. No one was pulling any punches today. Call out a racist 2K17.
Takeaways from the protest: Where were the frat bros tailgating? Also, the only things that everybody seemed to agree on though was a chant for water. And whether or not the white supremacists could come up with a cheer other than, “she lost.”
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