Hess Hall’s living residents aren’t the only ones disgruntled at the building’s finicky air conditioning, busted dryers, and cold showers. The hall’s “school spirit,” whose name has been changed in this article to “Jerry” to protect his identity, has recently announced to press via psychic messaging that he will be moving off-campus for the 2018-2019 academic year.
“Since I died in 1970, I’ve been haunting the school ever since,” the ghost explained. “I’m basically a super-super-super-super senior, so it’s about time I moved out of my residence hall.”
Jerry has a point: Only 25% of students live on-campus. Very few of those students are upperclassmen, let alone 48th-year seniors.
“I really decided to move last week, when the AC quit working in the room I haunt. I was trying to put in a maintenance request, but then I was like, ‘Oh, yeah, I don’t have a NetID for this. Because I’m dead.’ It’s really annoying how difficult UT makes things for disembodied spirits.”
When asked what building he planned to haunt next year, Jerry’s response was an incorporeal shrug. “I dunno, there’s lots of options. For a while, I considered haunting the sewers or possessing ugly sweaters at Goodwill, but I’ll probably just move into a house in the Fort. I’ll be outside of the smoke-free campus, so I’ll be able to try appearing and disappearing in a cloud of smoke — just like the movies!”
While the living residents of Hess are excited for a less-haunted dormitory, not every student approves. Brian Hoffman, a junior majoring in supply chain management, expressed concern that his house in the Fort would gain yet another inhabitant.
“It’s like, we already have six guys, right?” Hoffman said. “And Eric’s girlfriend Natalie has basically moved in, and Thomas always has his buddies over, and I really don’t want to put up with another housemate. Especially if it’s some dead guy. Like, I’m already haunted by my past – that’s just overkill!”
At press time, Jerry was seen going into the light – the street light outside Hess, that is.