As the end of the first semester comes to an end, the weather has begun to adjust to the usual mildly-annoying temperatures for this time of year . Although scientists and average citizens alike would rush to say this is merely “nature at work,” some have begun noticing strange patterns that may suggest a different reason behind the sudden change.
Dr. Spencer Cronin, professor at the University of Tennessee, has come forth claiming that he has witnessed firsthand that as his students become more and more stressed about finals, the temperature in the room drastically drops.
“This is an occurrence that I have seen numerous times while working for the university,” noted Dr. Cronin. This theory, taken to its logical conclusion, suggests that it is students at the University of Tennessee that are spending precious time stressing over finals, instead of drinking, bar fights, and the occasional acid trip, are causing colder weather.
To put this theory to the test, a group of UT students conducted an experiment in which they kept a thermometer on them and walked up to students, noting the temperature as they arrived and the temperature after they reminded the student of the dreaded final exams.
The results were astounding, each time proving the theory correct. “It’s true, it’s all true” chemistry teaching assistant David Brussels noted, “The only time the temperature rose was due to one particular student warmly groaning near the thermometer.”
Scientists have suggested that all UT students, relax, take a chill pill, and focus on something other than finals to relax them. For example, listening to Donald Trump speak is enough to distract an individual from any other minor issue in their life.
You went drinking, now you’re stuck pooping. How’s that going for ya?