That delightful time of the semester is nearly upon us once again: UT finals week. The last-minute effort to boost that D- to a C evolves into all-night study sessions and a level of stress equivalent to whatever that guy in 127 Hours had to go through. While the stress can be overwhelming, it’s perfectly fine to take a break every now and then. After you get caught up on your Twitter feed, try some of these out as well:
10.) Cry yourself to sleep in the PCL:
Studying for finals can be overwhelming and stressful. Your average library would enforce quiet zones and all that, but luckily our very own PCL features a floor dedicated to noise and open collaboration. There, you can rest for hours as moans and cries audibly escape your larynx.
9.) Go to Greg Gym for the first time in over three months but then get tired and leave after 20 minutes:
One way to forget about the rigors of college would be to venture into UT’s overcrowded workout haven, the renowned Gregory Gym. Eventually, you realize working out is lowkey kind of boring, plus you are grossly out of shape, so a swift exit 20 minutes into your workout seems ideal.
8.) Stop for a quick $15 meal at JCL:
In order to get the most out of your time here in Austin, you need to eat like the locals, and what describes the city of Austin like okay food at vastly overpriced rates? Whether it’s $7.50 for just a plate of chicken strips, or $5 for maybe half a bowl of watermelon, it’s nearly impossible to feast on a full meal for less than $10.
7.) Get food poisoning at a sketchy food truck:
If you’re feeling venturous, stop by one of the many food trucks populating the abandoned lots of West Campus. Want to eat next to a bunch of loud tourists who just finished shopping at the Co-Op? Plop right on down to the plethora of barely-passing-inspection stations lining the backside of The Drag and have some Venezuelan food. No matter where you go, you’re sure to miss your finals altogether with some life-threatening disease.
6.) Drop out:
Pretty straightforward. If you aren’t enrolled in the university, you aren’t obligated to take finals. Enjoy your new life, where you can travel the world as a fisherman on TV’s Deadliest Catch or something else that doesn’t require a college degree.
5.) Pass through the sports exhibits at DKR to reminisce about the times you were actually proud to attend this institution:
Ah, throwback to when you were filling out college apps, wondering where the next step on your journey through life would take you. Enter The University of Texas, a wondrous place steeped in tradition, academic excellence, and a storied football program. Now that even lowly Kansas poses a tough matchup, it can be depressing to think of just how far once-mighty Texas has fallen in recent years. Perhaps a walk through the halls of that exhibit at DKR you passed through when you took the tour will be able to allow you to reminisce over the good ole days, or at least take your mind off this chemistry final.
4.) Attend office hours for the first time all semester just to curse your professor out:
Take a quick 15 minutes or so to sift through your class notes to find that course syllabus you never bothered to read (aside from the attendance policy). Locate the office hours, and then show up, introduce yourself to your professor, and proceed to let out all that pent-up anger you’ve been holding in. How dare this guy give out FIVE exams this semester, not to mention the final is cumulative?
3.) See if they’ll let you feed Bevo or something:
It’s a bit of a stretch, but maybe ole Beev would be down for you stuffing grass or something into his face for him to pluck from your outstretched hands.
2.) Listen to your RTF friend blab on about his new project:
Wow, your friend Sarah is working on a new project for her “Gender and Media in the 60s” class, while you wonder how this concerns you in the slightest. Oh no, now she wants to know if you can be one of the actors or something in the project; she says it’s only a 3-day thing and starts at like 5a.m. Honestly, studying seems so much nicer right now.
1.) Get on a shuttle bus and just go wherever it takes you:
That’s right, just leave your problems behind and take a Cap Metro bus somewhere, hopefully far, far away. Luckily, your student ID gets you in for free, so you can pull a The Graduate and just make the worst decision of your life with no immediate fiscal cost.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: