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7 Reasons the Kinsolving Market Is Still Way Better than the Dobie Target

At the end of last semester, the Dobie Target opened and promised to change the lives of many UT students. But unfortunately, they didn’t deliver on the promise. Here are 7 reasons why the Kinsolving Market is better than the Dobie Target.

7.) It’s not in a basement:
Kinsolving market is positioned beautifully in the center of Kinsolving, while the Dobie Target lives out of the basement of its building like its That ’70s Show. Basements are totally lame and no place for a business. People say that when they’re at the Dobie Target (which isn’t often because their prices are atrocious, sad!) they get this weird suffocating sensation in their chest that can only be explained by Target’s position in the bottom of the building.

All these loser students are really paying actual money for frozen chicken and fruit snacks from Target, while they could literally use Bevo bucks at Kinsolving Market. Sure, Bevo bucks are real money too, but it feels like you’re getting items for free. There’s nothing better than the illusion of saving money to help you sleep at night.

5.) Free salsa with your breakfast taco:
What’s in the salsa? Who knows. That’s the best part about it: the mystery. Who likes to know what they’re always eating anyway? The surprise of never knowing what you’re going to eat adds an extra kick to the morning. It keeps you on your toes.

4.) Pizza that was made at the beginning of the day but still tastes fresh:
Who doesn’t love pizza that was prepared at the beginning of the day and just sits out in the glass case? The cheesy cuisine sits perfectly on a rotating platter, just begging every patron to take a chance and purchase the pie. It’s the only product in the Kins market that is way too cheap. Three dollars a slice? People often say they feel guilty after purchasing because they know they should be paying more.

3.) Smaller selection, so you don’t get sidetracked:
The Kinsolving market is literally the perfect size. Three aisles, all within walking distance of each other. No distractions. You get in, get out. Target is like a maze, and you can even get lost. Who would want to get lost? That’s what the PCL is for.

2.) So many fucking Hot Pockets singles:
Whenever you’re in a hurry and need a quick bite, stop by the Kinsolving market and purchase a Hot Pockets single from the beautiful selection of pepperoni flavored Hot Pockets. Honestly, who needs any other flavor? Kins even provides a microwave so you can cook your Hot Pockets! Talk about a one-stop-shop.

1.) Kinsolving babez:
The best part about the Kinsolving Market, and ultimately why it’s better than the Dobie Target, is the fact that the beautiful women of the Kinsolving dorms are there 24/7. You never see this kind of beauty in the Dobie Target. These girls are selective, so bring your A-game when picking up your Lunchables!

Before you spend your money at Target consider yourself warned about its pitfalls. Think twice next time you’re deciding where you want to buy your Hot Pockets.

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