AUSTIN, TX– Beta Upsilon Chi, a Christian Fraternity known as BYX, is reportedly claiming Cain and Abel’s as their new house, citing biblical references in order to gain control of the college bar located on 24th and Rio Grande St.
“The entire book of Genesis is really where we should start,” chaplain of BYX and leader of the rebellion, Scott Graham asserts. “Cain and Abel- they’re in the bible. The main argument lies in Genesis 4:25. If you look it up, then translate it in a couple of different versions, then back to Hebrew- it’s as clear as water.”
Genesis 4:25 says, “Adam had relations with his wife again; and she gave birth to a son, and named him Seth, for, she said, ‘God has appointed me another offspring in place of Abel, for Cain killed him.’”
“It’s tricky to understand,” Graham concedes, “but if you look at it as if BYX as Abel, then it all makes sense. I think.”
Management of Cain and Abel’s is not sure what is going on. “To be honest with you, it’s just getting weird now,” states Wayne Smith, owner of the familiar college bar. “They come in one day with their entire chapter and a flag. They yell, ‘THIS IS BATTLE’ really loud and scare all of the Pi Phis out of the place. They had armor on and I’m pretty sure they stole police horses, because there’s no way they had those themselves.” Smith goes on to state that it was like they were watching a reenactment of the crusades.
“We have a couple of guys in theater that are really leading the battles,” Matt Kanders, President of Texas BYX states. “I try to stay out of these quarrels as much as possible, this happens a lot. Some of the guys just really just want a house and are willing to do whatever to get one. It would be freakin sweet it worked. Speaking of freakin sweet, I worked at this summer camp this summer, here’s what I learned.” Kanders then got away from the topic of Cain and Abel’s and spent 3 hours talking about how amazing his summer working at a Christian summer camp was.
There is no end in near. Both sides look to dominate this holy land placed in West Campus. “It’s our promised land. This will be known in West Campus as the Modern Day Crusades,” Graham states.The fraternity is to raid the local spot after chapter on Tuesday night according to an inside source.
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