We’ve all been there. You go out when you’re under 21 with the intent to drunk af and grind on someone fine, and your fake gets rejected. It’s practically a right of passage, along with 8 a.m. intro classes and buying your very first iClicker. Here are some great ideas that will get you through that inevitable and depressing night on Sixth Street:
5.) Get a homeless person to buy you a couple 40s:
You might be underage but the majority of people slinking down Sixth aren’t. Practice this ancient method, tried and true, that will ensure you can still get wasted. Sacrifice a few extra bucks and, while bowing, ask a homeless person if they can purchase you a couple 40s of Olde English from the nearest convenient store. Like a god, they shall pity you and grant you cheap malt alcohol. Keep ‘em bagged, grab some curb, and get drunker than skunk on 6th. It’s almost like you’re at the club.
4.) Hit up people you’ve been talking to on Tinder with that “wyd” text:
If you can’t get annihilated under a rainbow of careening lights in Bat Bar, the least that you can do is get some action. One late night ‘what are you doing’ text won’t be enough to heal your wound of ageist rejection from those no-nonsense bouncers on Sixth Street. So to be safe, send at least 30 of them. The friskier the responses you receive, the better you will feel. And, hey, you might even actually get laid from the whole ordeal.
3.) Get a face tattoo:
Nothing matters anymore. Your life is ruined. Why not just walk into one of the many tattoo parlors on and around Sixth and get a face tattoo? Maybe you’ve never wanted one, but by golly at least you’re old enough to get one, and you’re going to get ‘L’ straight across the forehead–to symbolize both the L of this night and your undying love for Smash Mouth. Then you contemplate the fact you can decide to permanently ink your face with such spontaneity, but you can’t even enter a bar. Oh well, don’t think about it too much.
2.) Eat a whole pizza from Roppolo’s by yourself:
All your friends got in and left you with your shitty fake ID, alone, outside the Blind Pig. It’s time to admit defeat. Turn around and trot your sorry ass straight across the street. Spend that dough you were going to blow on booze on an entire pizza from Roppolo’s. Now, while you wait around in your self-pity for your drunken friends to emerge from the clubs, you can at least have some comfort food to keep you company. Try to not cry too much on your food, the salt content of tears unbalances the flavors.
1.) Call your mom:
After getting your fake ID denied you’re without a doubt feeling especially embarrassed. Yeah, everyone saw your ID, getting looked through like a piece of glass by the bouncer. But, it’s okay. Call your mother, she always knows how to make you feel better. She will reassure you that it’s alright and not to worry because your 21st birthday is only a year and 9 months away. She’ll tell you that it’s just an arbitrary law and that, despite being 19, you are very mature for your age. More mature than most 21 year olds, that’s for sure.
There are plenty of other things to do around Austin if your fake gets denied that didn’t make this list. Furthermore, a recent poll suggests “crying alone in bed” and “hitting up my pot dealer” are actually the two most common ways UT students deal with getting rejected from the clubs.