Connect with us
Connect with us

Texas Austin

Lonely UT Student Thankful First Exam Is on February 14th

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and many UT students have taken to social media to brag about their significant other. The holiday has taken over the past few weeks, as students choose to focus on love and chocolate rather than there looming midterms. But one Cockrell student, Justin Lows, has opted to focus all his attention on his upcoming biochemistry exam, hoping that a high grade will adequality make up for his otherwise uneventful day.

“It’s not even a real holiday! It was made up by corporations like Hallmark to sell cards and chocolate. Just like birthdays,” Lows tells us as a single tear rolls down his cheek, “I wasn’t going to celebrate anyway, but I’m glad I have my exam as an excuse, I’m sick of people feeling pity for me. I just think it’s so dumb to stress about something that isn’t even that important. I feel bad for them, they’re going to have terrible GPAs after this.”

Dr. Matthews, Lows’ professor tells us this mentality is common with many of his students, saying that while he isn’t surprised at the dedication to the material, it’s always pleasant to have students who don’t neglect their studies during Valentine’s.

“I know it’s a joke people like to make about Cockrell students, but as an alumnus of this college, I can tell you that we’re the ones laughing in the end. Not only was I in the Honors program, but I still managed to get my first girlfriend soon after graduation. Meanwhile, students in the less disciplined colleges want everything all at once, and they end up with a subpar GPA and heartbreak.”

He then goes on to tell us he intentionally schedules exams on February 14th in order to weed out the weaker students who actually attempt to have a life outside of school.

Lows continues to insist that he isn’t bothered by not being able to celebrate the holiday, saying that while he has received teddy bears and chocolates in the past, he eventually told his mom to stop spending money on him, “I have friends I could hang out with, but it’s a waste of time, I need to study. I get the appeal, I guess, and people can do whatever they want to make themselves happy, but it’s just not for me. Who needs a bae when you can have an ‘A’, you know.”


Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

Continue Reading

More from Texas Austin

To Top