Are you a fresh, new Longhorn? In your first few weeks have you stumbled upon a frat boy watching the game on the deck at Cain and Abel’s and wondered, “How does he look so effortlessly dope?” Have you spotted a group of bros crushing light beers in pastel polos with country music bellowing in the background and thought, “What does it take to look so cinematic and fresh?” If so, grab your parents’ credit cards, crack open a cold one, and turn your swag on to join the elite crowd of frat bros.
Headed to McCombs Look:
The Longhorn Polo:
Nothing says school spirit like spending $75 on a collared dry-fit shirt in the trademarked burnt orange. If individualism scares you, camouflage yourself into Greek culture the UT way and wear orange and white every single day, especially Saturdays.
The Khaki Shorts:
They’re timeless. They match everything. And they’re rank from wearing them 3 days in a row while sweating profusely on those uphill walks across campus. But, chances are you’ll probably wear them again tomorrow because your mother never taught you how to do laundry.
The White Nike Socks:
No outfit for class is complete without some fresh white socks suffocating your calves. Don’t forget to dry clean and iron them so you can ball harder than all your friends while strutting to your afternoon business class. Oh, and be sure you’re not getting any circulation to your feet whatsoever.
The New Balance Sneaks:
No one knows why, but they’re just the ones.
It’s bright in Austin, and so is the future career Daddy has lined up for you when you finally graduate. This is what makes Wayfarers a crucial accessory to the frat look.
6th Street Look:
The Sport Shirt:
The sport shirt offers many functions to assist in downtown adventures. For starters, it matches your fake I.D. persona to a T, since it’s your older brother’s nearly expired license. It also comes in clutch if you get lost in the club. You can just ask one of the adults milling around, “have you seen a group of guys who look just like me and are also wearing this horse-y shirt? I can’t find my bros.”
The Blue Jeans:
Blue jeans are the only good decisions frat boys make at night. Except for when they drink too much, pass out in the Uber, and pee in their starched Levi’s. Don’t worry, we’re sure your fellow frat brothers will snap plenty of pictures to commemorate the “best time of your life” that you won’t remember because you get annihilated every weekend.
The Cowboy Boots:
While cowboy boots are also seen walking through the classroom, they steal the show on 6th Street. They add an extra half inch to your height, allow you to stomp unapologetically on your sorority counterpart’s toes while two-stepping, and are completely vomit proof for when the 5 shots of Fireball finally hit.
A brand-new Polo hat worn backwards is just the accessory to say to that hot girl at the bar, “I’ll be pressuring you into sexual relations later.”
Lone Star light is perfect combination of nativism and pure ignorance of brews. Just like the bros who drink it, it is utterly tasteless and trying too hard to be smooth.
Molly who? Pop a couple of these antibiotics every day to treat that burning sensation that’s been happening every time you urinate for the past month. Don’t get confused, while your old high school friend’s mixtape may be fire, this burn is cause for mild concern.