AUSTIN, TX–Reports surfaced the past couple of days that Texas Rho, formally known as SAE, is being sued for copyright infringement by the Texas Rowing team.
John Smith is captain of the men’s rowing team at the University of Texas at Austin. Smith took the Longhorns to a 4th place almost podium finish at the NCAA championship last spring. When asked about the recent controversy, Smith stated, “After years of stagnation, the Texas Rowing team is finally experiencing massive growth coming into 2018. It sets our progress back, both physically and metaphysically when incoming male students from the River Oaks Area and Highland Park email us about who we have coming in for Round Up.”
“The key thing to remember is that we were always the Rho chapter of SAE,” Reese Manning, president of Texas Rho states. “Texas Rowing and Texas Rho sound completely different. They can get over it. Right Jones?” Jones is in reference to the pledge class brother in the kitchen adjacent to the where the interview was taken place. Jones agreed to Manning’s statement.
While Texas law officials have been notified of possible controversy, no copyright infringement documents have been filed yet. When asked about this possibility, John Smith of Texas Rowing answered with hopes to compromise without using legal procedures. “My name, my literal name is John Smith. Like, Pocahontas’ husband. I’m willing to live up to my name and compromise amidst our differing interests.”
Manning did not seem as hopeful. “We will go to war with these liberal fools from the rowing team. Once we go to war, they will become our pledges. And when they become our pledges… hey wait, Jones, can we have pledges next semester even with the whole getting kicked off campus deal?” Jones didn’t know the answer as he continued to make his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Manning then decided to take his platform to social media, tweeting that “Texas Rowing team leader John Smith just stated that the ‘nuclear button is on his desk at all times.’ Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a nuclear button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my button works!”
When the president of Texas Rho was asked about his threatening comments, Manning responded with, “Total power move big dog. And spell dog, d-a-w-g. That’s way sicker.”
The conflict remains unsolved, yet highly tensive. Both presidents have expressed long-term dedication to the interest of their organization. With no end in sight, this may become the Cold War of this generation.
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