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Freshman Crushed Upon Realizing UT Offers No Degree in Memes

Local UT freshman, overwhelmed by the decision of picking a life path, thought he finally found his calling when he discovered memeology, the study of memes. But, he was sorely disappointed upon finding out UT doesn’t offer a degree in memes.

“I knew I wasn’t fit for anything these plebs choose to study,” Don Jacoby, first-year undergraduate studies major admitted while flipping his greasy hair he hadn’t bothered to wash in a week and a half. “I’ve always been far more intellectual than my peers, so when I discovered memeology, which I’m sure most kids my age don’t even know about, I knew it was the perfect fit for me.”

Upon discovering UT doesn’t offer a degree in memeology, which was revealed to him after long and heartbreaking discussion with his ill-informed advisor,  student Don Jacoby was forced to re-evaluate his decision to attend the most prestigious school that (barely) accepted him.

Jacoby, in response to this unfortunate realization, divulged that “[he] would rather go to Northwestern anyways, and transfer to their memeology program” than stay at UT and study literally anything else. “Sociology, philosophy, RTF, advertising… these are the majors of the masses, and their petty degree is their opiate,” Jacoby protested.

Northwestern, which is ranked 11 out of the nation’s universities, offered a quick response to Jacoby’s transfer application. “While your hubris and academic spirit are reflective of the Northwestern spirit, we must regretfully decline your application to Northwestern. We wish you luck in your mediocre academic journey,” read the rejection letter, which looked as if it had been stepped on and reeked of vomit.

“After receiving my acceptance letter to Northwestern, I realized I had to decline their invitation. I’ve had a better meme education from 4chan, 9gag, and /r/memes than they could ever give me,” Jacoby mumbled while sipping Mountain Dew from a can with a bendy straw. “I’ve also written about 500 articles for Know Your Meme so a degree is just a formality anyways.”

Currently, Jacoby is pursuing his dream of becoming an expert in memes by studying them and creating them for local Facebook meme groups outside of the classroom whilst totally ignoring his relevant and substantive school work. He uses likes and other meaningless forms of online affirmation as proof of his inherent superiority, despite his pathetic grades and total lack of meaningful intellectual growth.  

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