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Booze Review: “Mama Mia!” Pizza Beer

 

Grade: A-

College is a time of discovery, making new friends, partying, and most importantly, getting so stoned that you eat an entire Papa John’s Supreme pizza by yourself. Thankfully, a company located in Illinois has decided to do us all a favor and combine two of the slightly obese college student’s favorite things: pizza and beer.

Smells Like:

A classic Italian pizzeria that for some strange reason only serves Lunchables pizza. You recognize the scent of the sauces and you get the urge to eat, not drink.

Tastes Like:

Eating too much junk food because you literally cannot stop, but then being left with a disgusting feeling in your entire body as your stomach tries to move the toxic sludge that is your diet through the rest of your digestive tract.

Typical Drinkers:

-Pizzaholics

-People who can’t distinguish the necessity of separate eating and drinking habits.

-People on all-liquid diets.

-Girls who are on strict diets and want to taste that sweet, sweet pizza taste one last time.

-Chuck E. Cheese as he injects this beer into his arm.

User Comments:

-“Why does my stomach literally feel like its sinking?”

-“Delizioso!” (in a sexy Italian accent.)

-“This feels so right, but it’s just so wrong.”

You’ll Like This If You Like:

Destroying your current health and any chance for a future with good cholesterol and a functioning digestive system.

Best Described as An Alcohol Superior To:

Any beer that does not contain pizza. Duh.

What a Learned Philosopher Would Say If He Saw You Drinking This:

“Wait, I have never had this before. What is my meaning in life? Can I even say that I truly have drank it all?”

Mix It With:

Beauty. After all, it can come in many shapes and sizes. Whether that is small or large, round or square, deep or stuffed, thin or thick.

 

For those about to bid, we salute you:

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