You signed up unknowingly to harbor a newly admitted Cal student over the weekend, and you know that you’re fucked. How are you going to relate to this kid? What if they are intended EECS? Why did you sign up for the Overnight Stay Program? We don’t fucking know! But, in the rare case that you did, we at The Black Sheep want to make sure that you have what it takes to succeed in connecting with your OSP kid, no matter how awful it may be. Here goes!
*Disclaimer: we do not take responsibility for any of these methods not being effective with your OSP fetus-child. We are not financially responsible, nor can you sue us, because we literally publish fucking memes.
8.) Play an ice-breaking game with them:
There’s nothing that works as well as a good ole’ icebreaker to break the ice with your OSP kid. Duck Duck Goose is our personal go-to at The Black Sheep. Nothing like a safe, fun game. If that doesn’t work…
7.) Take them to dinner:
Berkeley’s food scene is, as Guy Fieri would say, absolutely dynamite! An unspecified “Combination Fried Rice” at Crossroads is sure to do the trick and get your OSP kid to open up like the little baby clam they are. If that doesn’t work…
Okay, it’s time to take things a step further with this chastity belt of a human. There is almost nothing better at opening someone up than tequila. Get them nice and sloppy, then you’ll be able to convince them how cool you are! Right? If that doesn’t work…
5.) Frat Party:
If you are unable to personally connect with your OSP kid, then maybe the tense, crowded vibe of a frat party can open them up. The eminent sense of dangers does wonders in terms of getting to know a potential new friend. If that doesn’t work…
4.) Co-Op Party:
Mostly for the cocaine. Co-Ops are obviously wilder than frat parties, and if a frat party won’t impress your problem of a OSP kid than a Co-Op rager that only ends after your heart stops beating 56 times faster than normal. If that doesn’t work…
3.) Pavlovian Conditioning:
A. Either you are a fucking cardboard box of a human or B. your OSP kid is the same. At this point, classical training of the mind is the next step in getting your kid to like you. Remember, reward good behavior, but punish the bad! If that doesn’t work…
Have you ever been to the rowing house? Did you know that two goats live there and that you’re not supposed to drink the punch? Your OSP kid doesn’t! This is a surefire way to both impress your child and have a night you probably won’t remember! If that doesn’t work…
1.) Electroshock Therapy:
You’ve run out of options, and you are pretty sure that your OSP kid is going to pick UCLA over Cal. Your times run out. If all your kid can remember is the phrase “Go Bears!” after you’re done with them, you’ll know that you’ve done your job.
With all those methods in your arsenal, we at The Black Sheep are sure that you will have a successful time with your visitor! Go Bears! 😉
Know anyone at one of these schools?
UNC-Wilmington –$100 BOUNTY
University of Arizona — $300 BOUNTY!
Texas A&M Corpus Christi — $100 bounty!
Auburn — $100 bounty!
Penn State — $100 bounty!
Indiana — $100 bounty!
SUNY Oswego — $100 bounty!
Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $$$$ if they’re hired!
DM our twitter and we’ll take it from there!