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BCR Draws Campus-Wide Criticism for Being Fucking Boring Now

UC Berkeley has again found itself the subject of intense media scrutiny as the noted Berkeley College Republicans draw campus-wide backlash for being fucking boring now. Almost a year after Milo Yiannopoulos’ visit to campus, which sparked massive protests and catalyzed free speech debates across the country, the campus community has declared its commitment to organizing against the BCR’s new agenda of doing absolutely nothing.

The criticisms from students and faculty follow weeks of peaceful study, introspection, and meditation, all of which are fucking banal without the sweet, incessant drone of an ABC News helicopter cruising for riot footage.

“I remember the good old days, when Ann Coulter would call us a ‘thuggish institution’ on Twitter, or when the President of the United States, also on Twitter, would threaten to pull ‘FEDERAL FUNDS?’ from Cal,” said campus junior Celeste Throckmorton, 21. “Who’s going to create unnecessary political turmoil now? They opened a Halal Guys on Center St., and Pamela Geller wasn’t even around to rail against the Islamization of America!”

The Black Sheep reached out to a BCR spokesperson for a statement regarding campus criticisms but the interview was so fucking boring that we forgot to write anything down. Our notes just say “something something less alt-right something something more actual Republican values” and then devolve into several drawings of phallic symbols.

While some students have expressed enthusiasm at what appears to be a move towards across-the-aisle discourse between conservative and liberal political groups on campus, others have mixed feelings. “Of course I wanted the toxicity of the alt-right’s xenophobic rhetoric under the guise of free speech to fade,” sophomore Trevor Catesby, 19, told The Black Sheep in tears. “I just wish that it had been my 400 word Facebook post that turned the tide.”

The BCR are still moving forward with their lawsuit against UC Berkeley, which alleges that the university violated conservative students’ rights to free speech, which sounds like a fucking snoozefest. It is tragic that the birthplace of soliciting inflammatory speakers for the sole purpose of baiting marginalized communities into protest is also its final resting place.

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