This past week devastating news hit the alcoholic community at Cal: Cafe D lost its liquor license. In response to this horrifying event, hundreds of frat starts and alcohol enthusiasts alike held a vigil for the fraternal holiday formerly known as Taco Tuesday.
”First Remy’s and now this!? Where am I supposed to get my authentic margaritas now?” Second year Devin Johnson lamented. “This is the most devastating news I’ve literally ever received, ever! And last week I found out my dad died!”
Other students had similar sentiments as Johnson, “Now I just have to drink Kirkland in the basement of my frat on Tuesdays! I used to be hang out and get expensive pitchers at Remy’s or Cafe D, but now I can’t do that! What the fuck!?”
In response to this news, hundreds of Cal Students held a candlelight vigil for the late Taco Tuesday. They met at the old site of Remy’s Mexican restaurant wearing sombreros and all shared their favorite stories of previously taco themed Tuesday nights.
“Taco Tuesday may no longer be here with us! But it lives in on our heart!” An ATO Junior yelled out at the vigil, clutching a bottle of Jose Cuervo.
“They may take away our liquor licenses, but they’ll never take away our charter.” SAE junior Bob Smith stated at the vigil, unaware that his house had already lost its charter. #notmycornerofdarkness
In response to this devastation of Tuesday nights, local fraternity TKE has taken it upon themselves to do something. “TKE-ila Thursdays! Get it? It’s like tequila, but spelled with our name! Roll thru! Party nTKEd!”
But, despite TKE’s valiant efforts, students around campus are still reeling from the devastating loss of Taco Tuesday hotspots. But no real need to fret, Taco Bell Cantina has opened up on Durant so there is hope in restoring our alcoholism on Tuesday nights.
“Taco Bell will never replace Cafe D or Remy’s!” Phi Psi sophomore Glen Sorman reported at the vigil. “It’s a capitalist institution that preys on drunk students with evil food, evil alcohol, and evil workers! Down with capitalism!”
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