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Busty Co-Eds Get Fucked By AirBears2

Still got your smoke inhalation masks from when California was on fire a couple of months ago? Well, slap ‘em on because the atmosphere is hot and heavy over at UC Berkeley. These college students are getting down and dirty, and not just because the EECS ones don’t shower—literally thousands of nubile young men and women are getting fucked every day by their poor network connection to AirBears2.

Cal’s inimitably worthless campus-wide WiFi network has been known to do Berkeley students nasty before, but the rate at which AirBears2 is dishing out what the French call “le petit mort” is unprecedented. Voluptuous campus sophomore and self-professed “big boy” David Cross, 20, had a few things to say about the uptick in AirBears’ fuckage.

“The only time I truly feel alive is when I have to submit an assignment to bCourses on campus,” Cross purred, twirling the drawstring of his Cal hoodie in a way that honestly kind of weirded us out. “The thrill when there’s two minutes until the deadline and the assignment tab won’t load and all you can see is that stupid fucking jumping dinosaur game on Google Chrome… there’s nothing like it.”

The lustful vixens at UC Berkeley just can’t get enough of the sheer incompetence of AirBears2, but that doesn’t mean that CalVisitor and eduroam have to sit out on all of the fun. The combined forces of not one, not two, but three worthless WiFi connections, keep the debaucherous bacchanalian appetites of steamy Berkeley co-eds well satisfied.

The Black Sheep also spoke to campus senior Alex Stratton, 20. The original responses have been edited for length, clarity, and social decency:

“I’m getting ***** harder than a ***** in a ***** but the best part is that when you ****** the ****, it ****** all over the ****, like a PoliSci major taking CS61A for no reason. By that point, I’m ********* the **** and someone’s on the phone with the Securities and Exchange Commission, so then you have to ***** the ****, like, what am I, the LA County DA’s Office during the O.J. trial? So I ***** right between the *** and the ****. And then I connect to AirBears2.”

It’s clear to see that the filthy co-eds at UC Berkeley are getting more than their fair share of that good-good from their poor WiFi connections, and it doesn’t look like the party will end anytime soon.

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