This past weekend San Francisco celebrated gay pride, an annual tradition celebrating queer folk, and honoring those who fought to provide the rights members of the LGBT community experience today. This Sunday, to honor gay pride, DKE threw a party for straight people.
“I mean we’ve all been looking forward to this for a while,” said third year econ student Chad Pence. “Here at DKE, we have had a longstanding tradition of celebrating diversity and respecting the queer community. Don’t let all of our previous actions and rhetoric fool you. We are all fierce allies. Plus it’s the only dayger in June.”
Despite complaints that DKE’s celebration was in bad taste, (citing the fact that DKE is DKE) the party went as planned.
“I don’t know why anybody would be mad about this,” continued Chad, “I mean like what’s the big deal anyway? Marriage equality passed two whole years ago. Love won. It WON. No homo though.”
Still others felt DKE brothers and Cal sorority girls used the pride celebration and the “one weekend LGBT people get out of the entire year” solely to get drunk and take pictures in crazy outfits.
“No, like, I get that some people might think that DKE’s party is in poor taste but that’s just not true,” stated Pi Phi second year Laykynn White. “Gay Pride is about celebrating all kinds of love, whether that be gay, straight, bi, lesbian, straight, transgender, or even straight! Plus look how cute my glitter is. It’s vegan!”
“It was so great to celebrate such a momentous event with such a diverse group!” White continued, “There were so many allies there. So many! I mean it’s been really hard for me to come out as an ally to the queers but thankfully my family was supportive of me. Now I’m free to have my GBF to call me sickening whenever I want!”
While DKE brothers and their guests assured The Black Sheep that they were adamant about LGBT rights, none actually knew anything about the Stonewall Riots, housing discrimination, or Valentina’s gag-worthy elimination on RuPaul’s Drag Race. While this may be disheartening, the straight friends of the author did inform him that it was at least a pretty sick dayger. Happy fucking pride.