Cal Football wide receiver Donovan Morrison received an A- on his last English paper, the highest mark of his college career thus far. However, Morrison informed The Black Sheep that his coach wrote the paper, and stated that he has “no worries” that he and his teammates will meet the minimum GPA requirement and remain eligible throughout the season due to his coach’s essay writing ability.
“When I got back the graded paper I was very proud,” said Morrison. “The last time I was this proud is when I made All-American in high school.” After repeated head trauma Morrison has struggled to write papers on his own. He later repeated the same exact statement to The Black Sheep four more times.
Morrison both set the record for receiving yards in high school and the curve for his introductory freshman English class at UC Berkeley.
Morrison said his coach was “the smartest coach he’s ever had” and that he “wouldn’t have any other coach write his papers.”
“My coach can muster up a well thought out game plan with robust and innovative play calls,” Morrison stated, “as well come up with an insightful thesis on the search for truth in Moby Dick supported by logically sound textual evidence.”
Morrison’s parents Michael and Jill Morrison were both proud of their son’s accomplishment. “We’re going to hang it up on the fridge,” said Michael Morrison. “We have essays that his t-ball coaches wrote hanging here. There are also some really beautiful drawings by Pop Warner coaches up here too. It’s wonderful to see how our little Donny’s coaches progress. They grow up so fast.”
“I’ve had basketball, swim, baseball coaches you name it all turn in papers to me,” Morrison’s English professor Rachel O’Neil concluded, “but I have to hand it to Donovan’s coach, that was the best coach written paper I’ve ever graded.”
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