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Cal Student’s Last Attempt At Participation Particularly Pathetic

As the last week of instruction approaches, many students now find themselves at a turning point in the semester where they may actually need to contribute to discussion. The Black Sheep decided to follow Johnson McJohnson, a second-year student at Cal, for his valiant journey.

 

“So we’re just standing outside of Dwinelle [email protected] right now, I’m just nervous to see how my classmates will feel hearing my voice for the first time.” McJohnson stated. As class started, Johnson tried to form his own opinions, but ultimately failed, as he seemed to be incapable of having unique thoughts.

 

“…And that’s why I think he ate all the eggplants,” his classmate stated, to which Johnson got an idea in his head.  

 

“I agree with that.” He boldly stated.

 

Shortly after the class, The Black Sheep checked in on him.

 

“Yeah, I really think I made a real difference today. I mean, I just don’t know if anyone had ever heard me stand up for my own thoughts like that.” McJohnson proudly said.

 

But not all are as fortunate. Every day, thousands of students at Cal now find themselves in the midst of an epidemic, when someone always says something you were already thinking, effectively not only stealing a student’s participation, but also his or her very identity. Curious to explore this new effect, we went out and interviewed a couple students outside Evans Hall.

 

 “You just never know if it’ll happen to you, you know? But it can happen to anyone. Last week, I had to go to office hours. Everyone knows that’s where your self-confidence goes to die.” Sara Wrap, stated.

 

Others had similar sentiments. “I shower about as much as I do the assigned reading,” Chris Gopher, EEC major noted, “so it’s usually a miracle if I do. The important part is that my earning potential will go up when I graduate.”

 

Anonymous, who asked to be kept anonymous, explained, “As an athlete, Cal takes care of me. So when this dude in my class started answering all the questions, I was really personally offended. It was like I was expected to do the reading or something, if that’s even in the syllabus.”

 

Johnson McJohnson followed up with the lasting effects of his success story.

 

“I failed that class.”

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