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Shocking! Cal More Progressive Than Rest of Country, Elects Female Leader


In a search that culminated in appointing the person serving as an interim chancellor as like, the actual thing, Carol Christ was nominated on Monday to be UC Berkeley’s first female chancellor. Offering a glimmer of hope in a nation that mostly preferred disproving climate change to something about emails actually electing a woman in the most recent presidential election, Christ’s nomination comes with mostly positives.


“It’s probably time to have female leadership,” remarked first-year Haryan Share. “After only 149 years and a recent high-profile chancellor scandal, I’m surprised at how progressive Cal has been in honoring talented and qualified women in their respective fields,” added Share with gusto.



However, certain members of the community voiced concerns about Christ’s ability to follow in Daddy, Dreamer, Dictator Chancellor Nicholas Dirks’ abilities.


“Dirks managed to be so horrible at his job that it was a joke even the most waitlisted of freshman could perceive and understand,” remarked Crisp Chill, admin of UC Berkeley Memes For Edgy Teens.


“I mean, spending 700k on a fence? That’s USDA organic meme material. I just don’t know if someone with years of experience as both a department chair and Title IX advisor can compete with that,” added Chill.


Overall, Cal students seem humbled to be part of a campus community #woke enough to like, actually give a talented woman the upward career mobility she deserves. Truly sensational and progressive, and as always, probably at least 4 years ahead of the rest of the nation. 


Drunk people say the darndest things:


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